Nearly four years after shocking the world with his ocean warming device, Hamptons billionaire Derwood Hodgegrass and his Elysium Workshop think tank have unveiled their new “Million Dollar Suit”—a sleek, form-fitting suit that can hold $1 million in cash without showing even the slightest bulge.
Hodgegrass says the suit is designed for “wealthy globetrotters and men about town who want to carry a bit of cash without being gauche or asking to be robbed,” but government organizations such as the TSA and DEA are already condemning it as “the ultimate tool for drug smugglers and criminals networks.”
While Hodgegrass did, in fact, employ the help of former drug smugglers to create the new suit, he denies designing it for criminal purposes. “I only sought their knowhow about the art of hiding things,” Hodgegrass explained Monday. “This was not created for lowlifes who would use it for such nefarious things.”
The billionaire and bon vivant announced plans to create the suit back in November 2013, around the time he revealed his Sea-Lysium VII—a device that could warm 100 square yards of Hamptons ocean to a comfortably swimmable 82 degrees in the middle of winter—but few thought it possible. Once again, Hodgegrass and his team of brilliant minds and experts have proved their naysayers wrong.
During a press conference at Hodgegrass Mansion in Water Mill on Monday morning, the playboy greeted reporters and friends in what appeared to be a tailored black suit with clean lines and nary a lump or crease.
After some brief words about his pride in Elysium Workshop and the years of work put into this particular innovation, Hodgegrass walked smoothly into his stately living room and placed a large,empty black duffel bag atop a waiting table. The billionaire then began producing massive amounts of cash from inside his suit jacket and placing it in the bag.
“It was unbelievable,” one guest said. “He just kept pulling out more and more, and more money until that bag was full,” he continued. “It was ridiculous, man—my mind is completely blown.”
By the time Hodgegrass was done, he’d filled the bag with 100 $10,000 stacks, each containing 100 $100 bills. The Million Dollar Suit looked exactly the same from start to finish during his miraculous demonstration.
As the room erupted into thunderous applause, Hodgegrass took a bow, said, “Thank you,” and walked out, leaving his reps to answer questions.
So far, the TSA and DEA have not filed formal charges or a request to ban the Million Dollar Suit from widespread use, but they are making their displeasure known.
A formal letter signed by both agencies asks Hodgegrass to “Please rethink your plans to make such a suit available to the public,” adding, “This item, while innovative, could do great harm to the United States-led efforts aimed at stopping international drug smuggling, money laundering and other illicit activities.”
Hodgegrass would not release the complete letter to the press, but confirmed he has no intention of stopping production or distribution of the Million Dollar Suit around the world.
The Million Dollar Suit comes with hefty $200,000 price tag, Hodgegrass said, noting it will be initially available in black, navy and tan, with more color options, and pinstripes, to follow in the coming months.