The Hamptons Police Department received a complaint on Friday night from a woman attending a concert in East Hampton.
According to the woman, one of the performers there was singing a “vile and disgusting” song, the refrain of which she reported contained the lyrics “stroke me, stroke me.”
The woman was shocked and indignant to find that other audience members were either unaware of or not adversely effected by the “perverse sexual meaning” of this refrain.
She demanded that police come to the concert hall and arrest the performer for expressing “lewd and lascivious” ideas in a public concert.
However, police informed her that the lyrics of the song in question were actually meant to be taken as a metaphor, and that she was overreacting.
The woman then reportedly uttered an unprintable expletive and hung up the phone.