The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of February 22–28, 2018

Week of February 22–28, 2018
Riders this past week: 29,831
Rider miles this past week: 102,813

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Businessman Carl Icahn was seen riding the Hamptons Subway reading the Wall Street Journal last Saturday morning heading west from the Georgica station toward East Hampton. Alec Baldwin and family were seen riding toward Montauk on Sunday heading from Amagansett to Montauk. Natalie Portman was seen riding the subway between Springs and East Hampton on Thursday morning and author Steven Gaines was seen boarding the Hamptons Subway in Westhampton Beach heading toward Quogue.

TOKEN BOOTHS?
It’s been 20 years since a token has been sold at the booths on any of the platforms. And yet, people continue to call them token booths. Part of the reason might be that the words TOKEN BOOTH are carved in the reinforced concrete that forms a cap over these little kiosks. Now there is a move to change the names to Swipe Card Booths. A proposal to that effect was discussed at the last meeting of the Board of Directors on Thursday, but when it was pointed out that the old words TOKEN BOOTH, in that charming Bodoni Italic type, would have to be chiseled out and it was further pointed out that both Steven Spielberg and Woody Allen often film our token booths for their 1940s era movies, the idea was tabled.

PRESIDENT’S DAY
The number of people using Hamptons Subway last weekend set a record for any prior President’s Day weekend since 2008. There was record ridership that year, then came the Great Recession. Anyway, the crowds, the long lines, the breakdowns and the tie-ups reminded everybody of the service in the summertime on the subway. We are all looking for those busy, exciting days to come this summer.

LEAKAGE UNDER TROUT POND
The subway tunnel that curves beneath Trout Pond in Noyac has had its problems. Now, a leak has developed in the subway’s ceiling there, trickling in water from the pond. Once in a while a little fish comes through with the water that periodically squirts down onto the subway cars roofs. At the present time, Hamptons Subway is monitoring the depth of the water in the pond to determine the amount of leakage during any 24-hour period. And rubber suited divers are using flashlights, looking for the underwater cracks from above. All we know at this point is that an average of two or three dead carp have to be cleared off the roofs of the subway cars in the Montauk Maintenance Yards at the end of every day.

EVEN FLAMETHROWERS AND BAZOOKAS
Riders are reminded that no weapons of any kind are allowed on the Hamptons Subway and that includes the most recent additions of military weapons—delayed action hand grenades, flamethrowers, bazookas and backpack missiles.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Birthday cakes for all the former Presidents of the United States still living were made by Hamptons Subway nutritionists and chefs for a big office staff celebration in the company cafeteria last Monday in our Hampton Bays building. Cakes decorated with the faces of George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama were tackled with glee by the staff, and a good time was had by all. The cake decorate with the face of Jimmy Carter was brought out toward the end as the baking department did not know he was still among us. All the Presidents were invited, but none came. What a time.

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