The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of July 27–August 2, 2018

New identification signs are missing the letter E, but we have plenty of the letter I.

Week of July 27–August 2, 2018
Riders this past week: 43,911
Rider miles this past week: 186,913

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Martha Stewart was seen talking to a concierge on the exclusive Georgica platform, ordering additions and subtractions to some decorating items there.

EDITORIAL
Last week, Governor Cuomo announced that next year the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) will add two extra trains a day that will exclusively run round-trip between Speonk and Montauk, making a total of three in the morning and three in the afternoon. This is supposed to alleviate heavy auto traffic that passes through the Hamptons during the morning and evening rush hours when people who can’t afford to live here go to and from work.

They decided this without consulting Hamptons Subway. We think this is terrible. Hamptons Subway already provides this service, bringing 12,000 riders from one point to another every day. The cost is just $2.75 per ride, and we stop in every downtown.

The Long Island Railroad will cost far more than we charge. It can’t possibly charge less than $2.75. The railroad is owned by the State, so it is the taxpayers, which includes us—we are privately owned—who will pay its deficit. We consider this a blatant attempt to steal our business and drive us into bankruptcy. We object to it in the strongest terms.

Our subway trains come at six-minute intervals 20 hours a day, and if you miss one there is always another coming. With the trains, if you miss one, you’ve got hours to wait for the next. This effort will fail leaving the State with a great shortfall only dealt with by a bond issue saddling the taxpayers further and making bankers rich. Write your State Assemblyman.

BICYCLE PATHS
To cut global warming and save the planet, Hamptons Subway will begin a new service to our system on Monday: bike paths for bike riders inside our tunnels. We have set aside, with white lines, the space between the tracks and the third rail, all the way from Montauk to Westhampton Beach. Hop on or off at any platform. Enjoy the free “subride” as we call it. (It’s hip.)

The space is quite narrow, just two feet between the tracks and the third rail, but any bike rider worth his salt can negotiate it. Also, there is the added “survival” incentive in knowing that if you drift too far to the side one way you could get hit by a train and if you drift too far to the other, you get electrocuted by the third rail.

Enjoy.

NEW SUBWAY IDENTIFICATION SIGNS
In response to requests left in our wooden suggestion boxes on every platform, we have imbedded the names of the stations in different colored tiles on the walls of all the platforms. Covered on the walls with sheets right now so the grout can dry, on Monday they will be unveiled simultaneously everywhere. Be warned that when we ordered the tile letters for the names, the box supposedly containing the letter “E” arrived with just two “Es” and all the rest the letter “I.”

Rather than delay the unveiling, please note that only East Quogue has the “Es.” Half of all the other platforms should have an E but don’t. So those read Wistampton, Quiogi, Rimsinberg, Spionk, Shinnicock, Southamptin, Bridgihamptin, Iast Hamptin and Amagansitt. It just adds to the charm.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
As I do every year at the end of July, I issue my personal apology to everyone for all the delays and disasters that have resulted since Memorial Day. We do the best we can. But this is a huge job. Thanks for your understanding.

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