The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of September 28–October 4, 2018

We're pulling out all the stops for food during the Hamptons Film Festival.

Week of September 28–October 4, 2018
Riders this past week: 17,733
Rider miles this past week: 67,002

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Tiger Woods, carrying a set of clubs, was seen heading from Westhampton Beach to Shinnecock to replay the course at the Shinnecock Hills Golf Club in preparation for the next U.S. Open there. This past June, he played terribly for two days during the Open at Shinnecock and was cut before it was over. The next U.S. Open has already been scheduled for Shinnecock in 2026.

GOURMET DINING ON THE PLATFORMS
During the Hamptons International Film Festival (HIFF), which will take place this year from October 4 to 8, subway patrons gathering on our platforms will be able to enjoy the gourmet offerings of Le Escargot d’Avignon Café, the French bistro (three Michelin Stars) all the rage today in Beverly Hills. All dishes will be prepared at the restaurant daily and then flown directly to the kiosks on the platforms to be reheated by microwave for the eager public.

The Subway Restaurant chain has the exclusive rights to food service on our platforms and they are not happy about this. For that reason, our contract with Le Escargot d’Avignon Café describes them as an “experience” and a “pop-up” without using the words “food service.” A lawsuit from Subway, the restaurant chain, will likely not be filed before HIFF is over and L’escargot d’Avignon Café is long gone. So, since such a suit will go nowhere, Subway will not file. C’est la Guerre.

HELP WANTED
Hamptons Subway is looking to hire temporary workers at minimum wage to rake the autumn leaves that fall on the tracks during the month of October. Last year, members of the maintenance crew used gas engine leaf blowers during the night and many of them lost their hearing, so now we use rakes and have it done during the day so as not to anger the maintenance crew.

Applicants must sign a waiver, however, because those we hire could be electrocuted by the third rail if they are careless, and there is always the danger of being hit by an oncoming train. Apply in person at the human resources office on the third floor of the Hamptons Subway building on Ponquogue Avenue in Hampton Bays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.

WINNERS ANNOUNCED NEXT WEEK
The winner of the annual “Why I Love Hamptons Subway” competition will be announced next Thursday. As usual, the winner gets a guided tour of the Hamptons Subway building by Commissioner Bill Aspinall himself. Final date for entries was yesterday.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
For years now, Hamptons Subway has objected to the Towns of the Hamptons beach cleaning operation at the end of the summer. Trucks go out and gather up lost surfboards, plastic beach chairs and umbrellas, discarded rubber sandals and thongs, sunglasses and snorkel tubes and masks that people leave off in the dunes near our beachfront subway stops, one at Main Beach in East Hampton and the other at Cooper’s Beach in Southampton.

The ownership of the dunes where our stops are is in dispute—mean high tide and top of the dune and etc. etc.—and we have objected to these objects being taken away from us. As a result, this fall, we have already removed these items, and will be putting them on the return trip of the Beverly Hills to East Hampton Airport plane for that French restaurant on its return trip. In California, the plane will continue on and dump all these plastic objects into the great Pacific Garbage Pile floating in the middle of the ocean. This should settle things.

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