The recent departure of Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes from AMC’s mega-hit show The Walking Dead got us thinking about what life would be like in the Hamptons during the zombie apocalypse—and let’s face facts, it’s only a matter of time.
Our lovely villages and hamlets would be well suited for finding vacant mansions and foraging for food, mind-blowing wine collections and all manner of luxury goods. But the truth is, most of these grand homes aren’t the best places to lay down roots and start your new life as a gun toting, hatchet wielding zombie killer. Glass covered moderns might look nice, but who wants dead neighbors drooling on our walls like a window at Zabar’s, let alone crashing through to eat us alive?
No, thriving in an undead-infested world takes more thought and planning. Below, we’ve comprised a list of five choice redoubts, great for single or community survival right here in the Hamptons. But be warned, when it all goes down, we’ll be the first to fight you for these prime spots.
Stony Brook Southampton Hospital
240 Meeting House Lane, Southampton
No one likes staying at the hospital, no matter how nice, but in a new age of plague and death and brain-munching zombies, Stony Brook Southampton Hospital would be a fantastic choice for survival. It’s loaded with all the medicine and equipment one would need to treat the sick and injured, it has more than enough beds for resident survivors, and the brick building would stand strong in the face of throngs of undead invaders.
Sure, it’s in the middle of town, which would probably mean more zombies in the vicinity, but hospitals typically have deep stores of industrial foods and supplies that could be invaluable in the face of a post-armageddon world. These places have big contracts with companies that, inexplicably, make everything from bleach to orange juice, all delivered in bulk. And while we would never promote the illegal use of prescription drugs, things might be different after you’ve just stabbed your dead grandmother in the head to stop her from eating your face. So, yeah, a little chemical relief must be just the ticket.
On a more serious note, the hospital also has ambulances to help move people and supplies around, and a nice big roof to keep watch, sunbathe, barbecue or pass out from too many muscle relaxers. For a while at least, you could also enjoy all those hand sanitizer dispensers—no one likes the smell of zombie guts.
1898 Montauk Highway, Montauk
In an advanced state of decay, this defunct military base isn’t as plush or comfy as some of the other choices on our list, but no one can deny Camp Hero‘s appeal when it comes to fortification against the living dead. Many of the structures are already surrounded by chainlink fence and barbed wire, which could be further bolstered by a motivated group of survivors. The concrete buildings and bunkers were made to withstand bombs and attackers, and various tunnels connect some of the shelters together.
The base’s massive SAGE radar tower has serious height and a hatch-accessible roof, perfect for long-distance visual recon and fresh air, even if the grounds were overrun. It’s a bit spread out, but the fencing, thick walls and tunnels leave plenty of options for an expanding compound as more survivors come in search of safety and community. Bottom line: This place was made for war, and it could still provide significant protection after the virus spreads.
Maidstone Club Clubhouse
50 Old Beach Lane, East Hampton
Aside from enjoying the luxurious furnishings and gorgeous ocean view, survivors holding out at this private golf club would benefit from a lot of practical perks. Ideal for large groups, the building is sturdy and spacious, and offers a sizable dining room and kitchen for residents to cook and eat together. It has multiple golf lockers for individuals to stash their remaining possessions—such as guns and ammo, brain-bashing farm tools (not to mention golf clubs aplenty), blue collar-chic clothing, photos of lost loved ones, and well-worn copies of favorite books—not to mention a lovely upstairs piano bar to drink and sing away the hours indoors.
Best of all, Maidstone‘s clubhouse rests on a hill surrounded by open space, flanked by the Atlantic Ocean to the south and a rolling golf course to the north. With no trees to block sight lines, advancing zombies would be easy to spot and dispatch from sniping positions on the rear or west decks, or by hopping onto a golf cart to take them down up close and personal. The nearby swimming pool, empty in the end times, and caged paddle tennis courts would also make excellent spots to corral enemy prisoners or the dead.
2000 Montauk Highway, Montauk
This remote outpost on Long Island’s easternmost tip wouldn’t be a great, or even feasible, refuge for a community of survivors, but it’d be hard to beat for a single person, couple or small family. It has the best watchtower around, the keeper’s quarters is nice and cozy with a fireplace for warmth, and there’s world-class fishing right outside, so you’d never starve.
Like Maidstone, the lighthouse is also perched on a high hill with wide, unimpeded views of any approach a zombie might make. Essentially surrounded by rocky escarpments and roiling surf on three sides, there’s really only one path for the lumbering, witless flesh eaters. Inhabitants of the lighthouse would need only to look west where anyone—or anything—could be seen well beyond the range of your trusty hunting rifle.
If a zombie did defy the odds and get to the front door, one could easily climb to the top of the lighthouse, or the shorter Coast Guard tower next door, and get well squirreled away before it reached you. The shambling idiot would then have to ascend a tall spiral staircase, not exactly made for the mindless eaters. And you definitely wouldn’t let that happen.
Besides, it’s pretty far from well populated areas, as long as the world goes to hell after Labor Day.
Oakland’s Restaurant & Marina
365 Dune Road, Hampton Bays
For those west of the Shinnecock Canal, this is a pretty prime spot for zombie survival. For one, it’s way out at the tip of Dune Road on a little peninsula far from most high-traffic centers. It has water on three sides (survivor tip: zombies can’t swim) and, again, open sight lines in all directions—plus a little watch tower to help see above the dunes and neighboring structures. Oakland’s has a commercial kitchen, and a dining room nearly surrounded by windows, which might need to be boarded if things get ugly, plus a bar for end-of-the-world cocktails.
The marina is loaded with boats—a surefire way to escape the reach of any zombie (remember, they can’t swim)—which industrious survivors could use for safe travel and fishing. The surrounding beaches would also offer fishing and foraging opportunities, sandbag material to block doors and windows, and some recreational activities since any incoming hordes could be seen well ahead of their arrival.
Tell us where you’d hide out or fight the undead during the Hamptons zombie apocalypse!