Police Blotter

Turkey Leftovers Lead to Madness and Arrest in Sag Harbor

Police warn residents to avoid over-reliance on post-Thanksgiving nutrition.

Police and emergency personnel were called to downtown Sag Harbor at 7:15 p.m. last Thursday, November 29 after residents reported an agitated man rampaging down Main Street.

“The man was shouting in an incoherent manner,” says Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch. “Not only that, but he was severely underdressed for the weather, wearing only shorts and a T-shirt. Clearly, something had snapped inside of him.”

Mental health specialists cornered the man in front of the municipal building and were able to subdue him. He was given a blanket to guard against the frigid air and was taken into custody for observation. Authorities are keeping his identity secret, citing privacy concerns, but did reveal some information in a report issued this Friday, December 7.

From the report:

The unnamed subject was apprehended in a state of agitation and distress, and remained incoherent for several hours. After tranquilizers were administered, specialists were able to speak to the subject about possible causes for his unruly and peculiar behavior.

The unnamed subject described a post-Thanksgiving diet of ‘nothing but Turkey’ for a week. Periodically losing control, the subject talked about turkey sandwiches, hot open-face turkey sandwiches with gravy, turkey soup, turkey tetrazzini, turkey chili and other, more obscure leftover turkey preparations. While the subject allowed that each meal was fine in and of itself, the subject described a growing frustration with continuous consumption of turkey, a frustration that eventually ‘boiled over’ into the behavior that occasioned our officers’ emergency intervention.

Hamptons Police spokesman Hirsch says that his office is making this report public to warn residents of the dangers of over-reliance on turkey leftovers for post-Thanksgiving nutrition. “This says nothing against turkey,” Hirsch says guardedly. “But you’ve got to break it up a little bit. Don’t expect it to tide you over until Christmas!”

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