The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of June 13–19, 2019

Toronto Subway System is lending us some cars for the Fourth of July. We do the same for them.

Week of June 13–19, 2019
Riders this past week: 46,712
Rider miles this past week: 168,555

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Developer Steve Roth of Vornado together with his wife, Daryl Roth, the Broadway show producer and theater owner, were seen traveling from Sagaponack to Georgica on Saturday morning. Keith Green, formerly of Scali McCabe and now a senior advisor and associate broker with Sotheby’s, was seen on the platform at Quogue going westbound to Westhampton Beach stop last Sunday afternoon.

RUNAWAY TRAIN
Somewhere between Bridgehampton and Water Mill last Wednesday afternoon, a westbound train with about 55 passengers on board speeded up instead of slowing down and raced through Water Mill without stopping. Other trains in front were advised to get onto sidings until Charlie Blair, the motorman on the runaway train, came rumbling through. Charley fought fiercely to get it under control.

He was briefly successful and all the passengers were able to disembark in Hampton Bays, but then the train took off again and continued on, with just Charlie on it, passing through Westhampton Beach and Eastport, then coming around the turntable and heading back to Montauk. Charlie’s wife came down to the Southampton station when it was learned that Charlie had turned back around at Montauk and, as headquarters, when asked “Did he ever return?” said “No, he never returned and his fate was still unlearned.”

The train continued west through Amagansett and East Hampton, to finally roar toward Southampton again. Here, Charlie, having been alerted by telephone, was able to roll down a window so his wife could hand him a sandwich as he came through. “He may ride forever ’neath the streets of the Hamptons—he’s the man who never returned,” a spokesman from the subway system announced at 5 p.m., but then inexplicably, the train finally came to a halt at Hampton Bays.

A team of technicians who examined the train when it was towed back to the Montauk Yards said that the cause of the problem might have been some software code that crossed the wires between the FASTER and SLOWER buttons when the moon was at its apogee.

WET T-SHIRT CANCELLATION
The planned wet t-shirt competition scheduled for Monday June 17 at 3 a.m. on the platform at the East Hampton Station after the subway system closes for the night, has had to be cancelled as a result of the marches and demonstrations engaged in by the members of the Ladies Village Improvement Society of that town. Peter Buck, the President of that organization and a Harvard man who is now serving a third term—his ancestors came over in the hold of the Mayflower—said “we have finally, after three days of marching, gotten what we wanted.”

TORONTO SUBWAY CARS
For the Fourth of July Weekend, Hamptons Subway is having 14 extra subway cars lent to us by our sister station, the Toronto Subway System. With the addition of these cars, we will be able to offer shorter waits at all the stations. Trains will be coming through at four-minute intervals rather than at six-minute intervals. Don’t wander off if you find you just missed the train. The next one will be right along.

Hamptons Subway returns the favor sending some of our cars to Toronto for the celebration of Canada’s Partial Independence Day, which occurs every fourth year on October 21. You may wonder how we physically get the subway back and forth from Toronto. It’s done by barge. From the Hamptons Subway Pier at Montauk’s Fort Pond Bay to Toronto’s Pier 35. Now you know.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
The commissioner did not emit a message this week.

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