The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of May 28–June 3, 2019

Tiger Woods joined the annual Hamptons Subway Longest Drive Contest on Thursday.

Week of May 28–June 3, 2019
Riders this past week: 57,412
Rider miles this past week: 196,814

DOWN IN THE TUBE
All the stars were down below riding the Hamptons Subway this Memorial Day weekend. East Hampton’s Katie Couric was seen traveling from Southampton to Water Mill with Montauk’s Bill O’Reilly. O’Reilly was reading Couric’s new book Unexpected while Couric was reading the manuscript for a biography of Donald Trump that O’Reilly has started. Others seen on the system this weekend included East Hampton’s Martha Stewart, Southampton’s Tony Burch, Montauk’s Julianne Moore, East Hampton’s Ina Garten (reading a food network script), Bridgehampton’s Bethenny Frankel, Southampton’s Hugh Jackman and East Hampton’s Beyoncé.

GOLF’S LONGEST DRIVE CONTEST
Hundreds of people turned out to the Southampton platform at two o’clock in the morning when the system shuts down for the night to watch the Hamptons Subway longest drive competition on Thursday. Thirty-six golfers, mostly pros from the local courses, entered. Each got to tee up on the tracks and take three drives down the tunnel straightaway that heads off toward Water Mill. The rules were farthest drive wins a one year free pass on the subway system. And balls that veer off and hit sidewalls were disqualified.

The crowd cheered for their favorites, but then, just after the last golfer finished, Tiger Woods, who’d been staying on his yacht at Sag Harbor, marched out to the tee box and hit just one ball 200 yards farther than anybody else. Woods was disqualified because he hadn’t officially entered, but since the winning shot otherwise finished second, it was decided that the free pass would not be awarded this year. Wait till next year. The caddies who picked up the balls after they were hit did a swell job and only three of them got beaned and had to be taken to Southampton Hospital.

TORONTO
An unidentified woman screamed and fainted on the subway train between Quogue and East Quogue Tuesday afternoon and had to be taken off by paramedics to Peconic Hospital. She’s been kept overnight for observation but has told visitors she had looked up and saw the subway said Toronto and fainted. The subway car did say Toronto. On big holidays, the managers of the Toronto system lend us extra cars for the weekend. Most people understand this doesn’t mean you’re going to Toronto, but this woman was not one of those.

TEENAGERS
On Friday and Saturday, the sound of a steam locomotive with its whistle blowing in the tunnel between East Hampton and Amagansett stopped service at both stations. Subway police investigated each occurrence—they happened randomly—and only at 5 p.m. Sunday did they catch the perps who turned out to be local teenagers with a high volume sound system. They’d start it up, then run off with it through a door in the tunnel wall leading into one of the storage rooms. But we got them, detained them for a stern lecture then returned them to their parents.

EXPERIMENT
Next weekend, students from the Rockwell Technical Institute will be conducting tests about rider preferences. The subway car you get on may have more seats then usual or it may have no seats whatsoever and you’ll have to stand and steady yourself by hanging onto a pole. The students will interview passengers as they get off at their destinations to see which way they like better.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Somehow we got through Memorial Day with only three train breakdowns. This is the least number of breakdowns and I consider it the start of a trend, or at least a harbinger of one. We have 13 more summer weekends to go.

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