The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of July 11–17, 2019

Did you know Hamptons Subway cars were used to imprison detainees during the American Revolution?

Week of July 11–17, 2019
Riders this past week: 71,352
Rider miles this past week: 240,512

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Susan Lacy, the documentary filmmaker, was seen with Steven Spielberg and Jane Fonda heading to Bridgehampton from our luxurious Georgica stop last Thursday morning. Lacy has made award winning documentaries about both of these subjects. Also taking the subway this morning was the longtime East Hampton Village mayor, Paul Rickenbach, who has announced that after 12 years at the helm he is going to retire. He was with Southampton Town Supervisor Jay Schneiderman traveling from Amagansett to Montauk last Saturday afternoon.

Many other celebrities, including Sting, Billy Joel and JLo were spotted on the subway system in Westhampton Beach, Sag Harbor and Mecox traveling thither and yon this past weekend. Environmentalist Andy Sabin was seen heading from Bridgehampton to Sag Harbor getting supplies needed for his upcoming fundraiser this Saturday evening at the South Fork Natural History Museum he founded some years ago. This was on Tuesday. Hamptons Subway is currently considering having a subway stop at this Museum, which is right across the road from the Children’s Museum.

FAILURE TO MENTION
Commissioner Aspinall, who is a close friend of Donald Trump, has sent Mr. Trump a letter objecting to the fact that during Trump’s July 4 speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial, he failed to mention the part played by Hamptons Subway during the Revolutionary War. “From 1775 to 1778, for nearly six years, Hamptons Subway served as a jail for more than 2,000 German soldiers taken prisoner by the Continental Army during the war,” the Commissioner wrote.

THOSE TORONTO SUBWAY CARS
To handle the huge amount of traffic we expected over the Fourth of July weekend, Hampton Subway officials arranged for the loan of six subway cars from the Toronto Subway System to add to our fleet of 36. We had done this last Fourth of July without incident. But this year, it did not go well. Four of the six cars were home to giant bee hives. The fifth had a nest of beavers. And the sixth seemed usable, but, as it turned out, was infested with fleas. It was a long holiday weekend to be sure, but the weekend ended before these stubborn creatures were persuaded to move along by our brave men in their HAZMAT suits and pepper spray cans. We will not be using Toronto for this next year. And we regret the long system-wide delays that resulted.

POETRY READING
Amos Petrocelli, the new Hamptons Subway Marketing Director, has been forced to cancel the series of Hamptons Subway poetry readings he had been planning to have every Saturday morning on the Bridgehampton platform. Seymour Klotz was our first reader, began reading his collected works on the Southampton Platform at 5 p.m. on Saturday as planned. Halfway through his first poem, a passionate ode to love called “Sturm un Drang,” which he performed with great emotion, he found that everybody was rushing this way and that and so began to rip up the pages one by one and throw them in the air, which got him arrested for disorderly conduct. He will not be back.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
The Fourth of July is over and you would not believe the mess our customers left. This in spite of the tweets we sent out asking them to clean up after themselves. We found newspapers, bathing suits, theatre tickets, empty beer cans and deflated volleyballs, sunglasses and fireworks, both exploded and unexploded, wine bottles and suntan lotion, also wedding rings and strings of pearls and lots of jewelry, which we are not giving back. This is the Hamptons, people, not Slob Town. Pay attention.

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