To The Moon, Alexandria


It’s fair to say getting to the moon 50 years ago was, at the time, an achievement so overwhelming that it is mindboggling to contemplate.

Oddly, though, the technological advances we have made since make a trip to the moon seem little more than child’s play. I’m guessing it would be a lot harder to accomplish now: Consider getting Congress to agree to releasing the funds to make it happen.

A NASA official at a hearing requesting funding might run into this sort of thing:

NASA: We feel this momentous event will heal the country.

Nancy Pelosi: Well, will the pilot be a Democrat?

NASA: Ma’am, our astronauts are not political animals.

Joe Biden: He’s right, Nancy; we typically use chimpanzees in our space program.

Pelosi: Will there be a woman on board?

NASA: We really haven’t decided yet, Ma’am.

Pelosi: Do I look like a Ma’am to you, Sir?

NASA: No, Ma’am.

Biden: I’d like to say I’d be honored to touch and feel any woman on this great journey, Mrs. Speaker.

Kamala Harris: Joe. This is what I mean! You don’t get it! You are behind the times! There is no one on this moon shot you will be able to feel! This is about human dignity! This is about uniting as a people! This is about a face shot of me!

Biden: Can we bus some folks in?

Biden whispers to Pelosi, who whispers to Chuck Schumer. Schumer whispers to Donald Trump.


NASA: What?

ALL: AOC wants to go to the moon!

NASA: She will scare off the moon men.

Pelosi: She will insult the middle-of-the road chimpanzees.

Biden: She will give all our cheese away.

Trump: She’ll want to bring all the Mexicans with her . . . Hey, we might be onto something . . . I could build a wall around the moon.

Ilhan Omar: I demand People of Color, Women Without Limbs, The Acne-challenged, LGBTQA, PSEG, shellfish, and Midgets with Tiny Borders be included in the trip.

Trump (to AOC): I suppose you want to drive? Do you have any experience piloting a spacecraft?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Do you have any experience running a country? It takes more than being a loud mouth from New York to make it in Washington, DC!

Trump: It does?

Pelosi: I think it’s been a productive meeting except for what the Progressives on my left and the Republicans on my right said.

Biden: I’m impressed — I made it through the entire hearing without saying anything stupid — didn’t I?

Bill de Blasio: And I made it through without saying anything, just like at the debates.

Bernie Sanders: And I’m still alive! I’m proud to have been a part of what we did tonight. But I don’t remember much of it.

AOC: Are you proud that oppressed Latino children were called chimps and shipped to the moon?

Trump: It’s a national tragedy.

AOC: Thank you.

Trump: Not that . . . That it’s one o’clock and I haven’t played golf yet.

Biden: So, we’re not going to the moon? Why?

Pelosi: Donald just imposed trade sanctions on them. We’re not buying any more of their cheese, and we’re not selling them any of those little flags.

AOC: Can I still get a moon rock?

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