The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of January 17–23, 2020

Reminder: Carrying snowballs down the escalators to platforms is illegal.

Week of January 17–23, 2020
Riders this past week: 41,922
Rider miles this past week: 111,119

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Andy Cohen, host of Watch What Happens Live on Bravo, was seen Monday exiting the Subway at North Haven heading for Shelter Island by way of the new footbridge. A woman in a red wig claiming to be Gwyneth Paltrow was seen selling jars of goop to straphangers between Southampton and Water Mill on Tuesday. Ignore her. It’s not her. Billy Joel, carrying a clam rake, was seen on the Hamptons Subway headed for Sag Harbor on Saturday morning.

CANNONBALL DISCONTINUED
The Hamptons Subway Cannonball, which whisked passengers nonstop from Montauk Station to Westhampton Beach has been discontinued for lack of riders. Whether it will be back in the spring has not yet been decided.

TRACK MAINTENANCE
The popular E train that goes from East Hampton to Sag Harbor will be out of service from 3:30 p.m. to 4:15 p.m. Tuesday for a track repair. During that time take the L train from East Hampton to Sagaponack, and then transfer to the J train that goes to Bridgehampton for a further transfer to the 8 train local that will take you to Sag Harbor during this shutdown.

A REMINDER
Carrying snowballs down the escalators to platforms is illegal because the presumption is that a snowball fight will ensue. Throw your snowballs up on the sidewalk before coming down the escalators or into the specially placed bins we have installed adjacent to the subway entrances.

WELCOME CHRISTINA
Christina Mendez, the former and very popular marketing director for Boeing out in Seattle, has been hired to be the new marketing director for Hampton Subway beginning February 1. A little bit about her. Her prior job was with Wells Fargo and before that she worked for Toys “R” Us, which was her first marketing job. She is an all-American California girl who went to UCLA and then transferred to University of Phoenix for an online degree in water skiing. She is taking up residence in Water Mill for her new job. She also plays piano and trumpet and is an avid stamp collector. We would have gotten her sooner than February 1, but she is just one of those people who doesn’t fly, so we have to wait four days for her to take the cross-country train from Boeing Corners. There’s no flying on Hamptons Subway, anyway. We are happy to get her. So welcome Christina.

FILMING
You might be hearing a lot of shouting on the subway all next week. The new, six-part show Marriage Gone Bad will be filmed almost entirely on the Hamptons Subway and it’s been decided to approve their request that riders on the train be considered as “extras” during the filming so as to give the series a certain authenticity. Signs to that effect, requesting your consent and saying that your coming down the escalator is your approval, will be posted up at street level at every stop because we never know where these two married people shouting at each other will be performing—actually there are three separate married couples in total. Just put cotton in your ears so you won’t have to listen to it, but far enough in so it won’t be visible to the cameras. And remember, they’re just actors.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Now that Christmas and New Year’s are over, we can further deal with the huge number of parents whose kids (under age 9) signed up for a four-hour stint steering a subway train in the motorman’s compartment (with the motorman dressed as Santa Claus). We will contact everybody in the order these requests were received.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY

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