Local officials and citizens were outraged after learning that Hamptons Police chief Joe Ronson pulled the department’s Virginia-class nuclear submarine, Jaws VIII, out of its dry dock months early in order to give daughter Brooklyn Jayne Ronson what he called “the ultimate, super sweet sixteen party” on Saturday.
According to reports, Chief Ronson ordered Hamptons Police Department Submarine Unit (HPDSU) Captain Curly McGruff to extricate the sub from its dry dock and have the massive craft “ready to party” last month, but the salty sea captain flatly refused. After some back and forth with no progress, Chief Ronson gave up on recruiting McGruff for the job. Instead, he temporarily reinstated shamed former HPDSU captain Finn Zorn, who was perfectly happy to give Brooklyn Jayne and 50 of her closest friends an undersea tour, complete with superstar DJ and on-deck dancing during various periods on the surface.
Several witnesses claimed the teens were allowed to drink an “array of wine coolers, rosé and malt beverages” throughout the party, but Chief Ronson flatly denies these claims, adding simply, “I only wanted to show my little girl a good time, and that’s perfectly within my rights as chief of police.”
Actually, it’s not, Hamptons PD spokesman Rex Gallant told reporters on Wednesday, while assuring everyone that internal affairs agents are checking the veracity of all accusations made against Chief Ronson. “One thing we do know for sure—the chief definitely used the submarine for this party, which is a massive and costly breach of protocol,” Gallant said. “There are also some serious questions about how he paid for the DJ, who typically earns $50,000 per appearance.” For now, the DJ’s name is being kept out of the official record.
Despite her father’s legal trouble, Brooklyn Jayne showed no remorse when addressing her 22,000 Instagram followers on Sunday. In a caption beneath a shot of her holding what looked alarmingly like an alcoholic cocktail aboard the sub, she wrote: “The party was totally worth it, y’all! All hail to the Queen!!! #wastedbelowthewaves #queenofthedeep #depthsofdepravity”
Her post was taken down, but multiple media sources captured screenshots of it, so the damage was already done. Investigation results are expected soon. In the meantime, both Chief Ronson and Captain Zorn are suspended with pay.