Mysterious Man Wanders Hamptons Subway Tunnels

SCENE ON THE SUBWAY

Naomi Watts was on the East Hampton platform Saturday at noon. We couldn’t tell if she’d just gotten off or was waiting to get on. Our spotter, who  had to pick up her daughter at the preschool could not stay to find out. Later that afternoon, author Robert Caro was seen on the subway heading to Sag Harbor from East Hampton. He was sitting there reading a book.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHAEL!

Rachael Potter, the company dietician, purchasing agent, and chief janitor in our Hampton Bays headquarters cafeteria, is 54 years old today. We wish her well, especially since now she can get married to her longtime companion what’s-her-name.

FLAGMAN DELAY

A delay of our service took place on Monday between 3 and 3:30 p.m. As many of you know, the Hamptons Subway was originally built in 1932 by Ivan Kratz, and as an antique is listed on the Things cannot be changed.

Indeed, when three months ago, our token booths were deemed too uncomfortable for the token clerks because of the present epidemic of obesity in the nation, we did have to replace them with larger ones, but they were the same otherwise, right down to the last filigree, overhang and detail.

The same has been true with the Hamptons Subway flagmen who work in the tunnels. Although other subway systems have long since installed red or green lights in the tunnels to tell the motormen to proceed or wait, Hamptons Subway still uses the flagmen that were ordered up for this service in 1932. Not the same flagmen, of course, but the children and grandchildren of these flagmen. Now unionized, they get mighty good pay for what they do, which is to wave either red or orange or green flags at the oncoming trains as the case may be. (These flags are hand-sewn in a sweatshop in the Flatiron Building by immigrants, just as they were in 1932.)

Anyway, last Monday at 3 p.m, a flagman between Southampton and Water Mill dropped his flag onto the tracks at 3 p.m. and then refused to go down to retrieve it, reporting that it had landed on the third rail. After being told that if that were the case it would have already burst into flames, he still declined to retrieve it. All service therefore came to a halt and for 25 minutes did not move, until the flagman foreman for the eastern service arrived and retrieved it with his pincers on a stick he uses for such purposes. The man, Harry McFarland, although of 22 years with the subway, was promptly fired, as well he should have been.

ANOTHER DELAY

Hamptons Subway suffered a delay of 15 minutes during rush hour at our Southampton station last Tuesday when a rider could not make up her mind if she wanted to get off the arriving subway or not. She started to get off, then got off, then got back on, then off again. It’s not like in the old days where the sliding doors close slowly anyway, with a bell clanging and everything and you could lose an arm if you don’t get out of the way. With the new laser technology and the concern for personal space and lawsuits and customer safety, the doors stay open no matter what until the doorway is cleared. Finally, a pusher was called over by other straphangers and when he got there, he just shoved her back into the car and that was the end of it. The delays also occurred at our other stations, since everything backs up one on another.

MAN WITH A LANTERN STILL WANDERS

The old man with the beard, laurel leaf crown, white robe, sandals and lantern still wanders the system. He was last seen briefly at the eastern end of the Noyac platform.  Any help by anybody would be a big help.

BOXING SCHEDULES ANNOUNCED

The summer pushers, hired to keep the crowds moving onto the subway trains during rush hours have announced their upcoming boxing schedule. This tournament, approved by Commissioner Bill Aspinall, will allow the pushers, who wear catcher’s masks, chest protectors and boxing gloves, to burn off a little steam after their day’s work.

The ring will be set up at the Hampton Bays headquarters building in the conference room there for a week while the pushers duke it out.   Already there is controversy though.  One pusher, 27-year-old Natasha Bulinsky, an immigrant from Russia, bragged to others that she has had seven professional fights in her home country during the last two years.  Since she comes from the same place where two recent heavyweight champions live, other participants say she should be disqualified from competing with the others, because she is not an amateur.

The fights will begin on Saturday after the evening rush, at 9 p.m. on June 21.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I am very concerned about this apparently homeless man in a white robe who is wandering around aimlessly in our tunnels with a lantern. Could he sue us?  Do we have fire insurance? What if he steps on the third rail? If he does, what do we do with the body? Nobody has claimed him during the last eight days. Hopefully he’ll go away.