The Fast And The Arrested

Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel

The Fast And The Arrested

Two men were arrested last week by East Hampton Police after they participated in a speeding contest that ended up with one of the men crashing into a tree. Police noticed the two men racing and immediately interviewed them. One of them was driving while intoxicated. Vin Diesel was not present to lay the smack down, so officers arrested both the men.


Three pieces of clothing were stolen from a Southampton clothing store that caters to high-end fashion. The clothing included a pair of socks, a blouse and a woman’s sun hat. The estimated value of the items is approximately $236,000. [/expand]

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 102 years old, President of the Shelter Island Assault Rifle Club, board member of the Shelter Island Citizens Rights Society, retired WWII grenader, Chairman of the Board for the Shelter Island African Elephant Hunters Club, Honorary Chairman of the Shelter Island Humvee Society, President of the Confederate Ancestry Chapter on Shelter Island and founder of Guns, Rocket Launchers and Fireworks magazine, was arrested last week. McGumbus entered the Shelter Island Book and Coffee Shop with a boom box stereo system and started playing the song, “Hit The Road Jack.” The Shelter Island Book and Coffee Shop is owned by Jack Hempstan, who Old Man McGumbus has had a very public feud with in the local paper’s letters to the editor section. When Hempstan asked McGumbus to leave, McGumbus refused and then began breaking dishes inside of the shop. He was subsequently removed and arrested.

Asleep, In Drive

A man in East Hampton got the attention of the police after he was spotted sleeping at the wheel of his car while parked on the side of the road. The engine of the car was running and the man had his foot on the brake while he was passed out. Police awoke the man, and found him to be intoxicated from drinking beer and he was arrested for driving while intoxicated.


A man was rescued in the ocean by lifeguards in Southampton after he appeared to be struggling while swimming in a rip tide. When lifeguards brought the man to shore, he told them that he experienced a cramp in his leg that was causing him to struggle. He later offered to buy all of the lifeguards at that particular beach breakfast the following day.


 David Lion Rattiner [/expand]

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