The Hamptons Police Blotter: Theft, Pot And Speeding

This week in the Hamptons, crime didn’t pay for a few employees of a store chain in Bridgehampton. And if you think driving over 200 miles per hour is worth filming, then you’d be Old Man McGumbus.


Five employees of a chain retail store in Bridgehampton were arrested for stealing. All five were caught taking about $1,000 in merchandise from the store. They were arrested, fired and are now without jobs, sort of caught between a rock and a hard place. Crime doesn’t pay, but neither does minimum wage these days.


Pot and Heroin

A man was arrested after he decided to smoke pot in the restroom of a gas station in Southampton, and it came to the attention of a police officer. When the man was questioned, he admitted to having heroin on his person. I don’t know about you, but these days, hard drugs are just out there more than they should be. Heroin wasn’t something that was common 10 years ago. WAKE UP!


North Fork 

Two men had a disagreement having to do with copper piping began arguing and soon police were called to one of the men’s residences. The other man simply refused to leave the property owned by the other. He was subsequently arrested for trespassing. I guess the homeowner just doesn’t like unwanted guests.

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 104 years old, former World War II B-52 pilot, and current owner of Shelter Island Hot Rods, was arrested last week for speeding. He was caught driving 296 miles per hour in a 1967 Chevy Camaro down Main Street. When he was being arrested he was heard saying to his girlfriend, Ivanka Yevskivsky, a 29 year-old hostess and Russian immigrant, “IVANKA! DID YOU GET IT ON VIDEO!!!??? DID YOU GET IT!!?? PUT THIS ON MY YOUTUBE PAGE RIGHT NOW!”


Be Careful Out There

A man is presumed dead after crashing his Jet Ski in Mecox Bay. After an extensive police search that is ongoing, so far he has not been found. There have been several deaths this summer season in the Hamptons involving reckless driving. For God’s sake be careful out there, people.


Sex Offender 

A sex offender in Riverhead failed to register and was subsequently arrested for failing to register. Whatever you do, do not look up how many registered sex offenders live in your area, it will freak you out and you’ll be scared to go outside.

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