Wolves in Sag Harbor: “Twilight” in the Hamptons?

Tom Ratcliffe III

A pair of wolves spotted in the waters of Sag Harbor over the weekend—or, more accurately, on a rock in said waters—has sparked debate among concerned East End residents as they debate possible origins of the creatures.

One leading school of thought surmised that the creatures had been brought in by authorities in response to jaguar and cougar sightings in the Hamptons in recent weeks. On the heals of Old Man McGumbus’s wildlife-release plan faux pas, word also began to spread that the wolves had escaped captivity from faulty cages McGumbus had been dragging around Shelter Island last week. Suspicion also fell upon a clever Hamptonite who was trying to work out a solution to the following conundrum:

A wolf, a goat and a cabbage must be taken to the other side of the harbor. You have a boat, which is not large enough to take more than one of them. If you leave the wolf with the goat, the wolf will eat the goat. If you leave the goat with the cabbage, the cabbage will be eaten. How do you do it?

The most likely explanation, however, has come from cinephiles filing into the Hamptons for the Hamptons International Film Festival and suggesting that the wolves are statues (which would explain their apparent lack of any movement whatsoever) and are part of a guerilla PR campaign in support of a fifth installment of the Twilight saga.

Further reports will be filed and information is gathered.

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