Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Blotter: SUV Crash, Car Break-Ins, Explosions…

It only happens in the Hamptons, but on rare occasions, Old Man McGumbus gets arrested for doing something terrible.

An SUV crashed directly into the side of the Sag Harbor Post Office last week, destroying part of the brick building. The woman who crashed the car reportedly suffered a medical condition while driving.

Didn’t Steal Gas, But Almost Did
An 18-year-old in East Hampton was arrested for stealing a gas can and a hose from his neighbor’s house. Police caught the man after he was spotted by a witness walking toward a car with the hose and gas can. He didn’t actually steal any gas, so he was arrested for stealing the tools to steal gas. There is also the possibility that he was just going to…well, you know, I really can’t think of any other reason why you’d need a gas can and a hose at
such a moment.

Old Man McGumbus
In an effort to protect the borders of Shelter Island, Old Man McGumbus, 103 years old and former World War II bazooka man, was arrested last week for illegally impersonating an officer of the law after he flagged down cars to inspect them near the Shelter Island Ferry. He let most motorists through, but things got out of hand when he told one man, 34-year-old Art Beatles from Brooklyn, to turn around and head back home. When Beatles refused, McGumbus told him to step out of the car. Beatles again refused and began to take off down the road. McGumbus responded by firing a bazooka rocket at his Fiat 500. The shot exploded underneath the vehicle, sending it flying 200 feet into the air and crashing on top of the Shelter Island Mattress Center. The car then bounced off of a queen-sized mattress and into the harbor. McGumbus was arrested when Beatles escaped the vehicle, swam to shore and reported the incident to police from his cellphone.

Nearly a dozen cars have been broken into in Montauk over the past month. The break-ins are suspected to be related, as each incident has involved items such as electronics and cash being stolen from the cars, although in one case, two NYPD police shields were stolen from a vehicle. That’s always a smart thing to do, steal from a cop….

Not a Cop
During a road-rage incident, a man flashed his lights behind another driver in Southold, got him to pull over and then flashed his PBA badge, making the other driver feel as if he were a police officer when he wasn’t. The man was later arrested for impersonating a public servant. (No, it wasn’t McGumbus.)


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