Hamptons Police Blotter: Identity Theft, African Bees, Liquor Robbery

This week in the Hamptons police were busy with identity theft busts, just in time for the movie Identity Thief. There was also a dramatic arrest on Shelter Island after an entire board room was filled with African honey bees.

Identity Thief

Two home health-care workers from East Quogue were arrested for using a stolen credit card to make nearly $3,000 worth of purchases during the holiday shopping season. The two women were caught after police tracked down where the presents were delivered, which led them directly to the home of the suspects—police found all of the items in the home. They have been charged with grand larceny.

Food and Liquor

A resident in Sag Harbor reported that food and liquor was stolen from her home after somebody broke in by smashing through a glass door. Police were able to recover the food and liquor, but could not find a suspect.

Prime Rib Switch-A-Roo

Somebody in East Hampton took a price tag off of some cheap meat in a grocery store, and then placed the cheap price tag on an expensive piece of meat valued at $100. The crook got away with it when nobody at the check out counter noticed the switch.

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 106 years old, former World War II flamethrower battalion commander, President of the Shelter Island Board of Public Protections and Rewards, and owner of the Shelter Island Bee and Honey Company, was arrested last week after he deliberately released 8,000 giant African bees during a board meeting that was investigating a bribery accusation against him. McGumbus released the bees and then cried out, “I LOVE HER AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS!” McGumbus is currently under investigation for accepting a $25,000 bribe in exchange for testimony that he is NOT currently sleeping with Janice Gurlurpadip. Gurlurpadip, 55 years old and wife of Todd Gurlurpadip, current board chairman of the Shelter Island Shellfish Bonfire Society, is considering a run for mayor.

Threatening Letter

Bridgehampton police are investigating a threatening letter that was mailed to a post office box. The letter was handwritten and the victim believes that it was sent by somebody she knows from a prior altercation. You have to be careful who you mess with in Bridgehampton, because if you rub them the wrong way you will get a VERY strongly worded letter in the mail. In East Hampton it’s a letter from a lawyer. In Southampton you get a letter from the homeowners association, and on Shelter Island you get a punch in the face from Old Man McGumbus.


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