The Answer to Going to the Beach—Pack Burros

Family on beach
Family on beach.

Spending the day at one of the many East End beaches in the summertime is an experience that is unsurpassed. The warmth of the sun, the sand between your toes and taking a dip in the refreshing waters is a welcome respite that allows one to temporarily discard the challenges of everyday life. However, there’s one drawback. Unless you are one of the privileged, who actually live on the water or have control over the Parking Gods, there is the burden of trying to find a parking spot in close proximity to the beach and then having to schlep all your stuff with you. This process has been known to take numerous trips and can result in strained backs, and in some cases—hernia.

I recently returned from a trip to Nevada, where I was working on a solution to this very issue. I know what you’re thinking—Sneiv was really there to partake in the debauchery of Sin City. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

During my trip, I was exploring the options of bringing burros to the East End. The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) has a dilemma as it relates to the wild burro population, which, like the deer in our area, has been escalating out of control. The BLM, which oversees the burros, has run out of options when it comes to these durable beasts. The best they can do is round up a certain number of them and then contain them in small holding pens for the rest of their lives. Sure, a few will get adopted here and there, but the majority will live out their lives in confinement and without real purpose.

Why do I want to relocate burros to the East End?

We all know how difficult it can be to carry those items necessary to make an afternoon at the beach as enjoyable as possible. Towels, change of clothes, cooler with refreshments, snacks, etc. are all necessary items. Lawn chairs and umbrellas are a must. Of course, a flotation device can also add to the fun and merriment. Some will want to bring snorkel, mask and fins as they explore underwater life. How about a couple of books and a radio or an iPod? Many will even want to take along their iPad or laptops as well. The list goes on and on.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a friendly burro available car-side to carry all your beach items to the beach? “Beach Burros” will be an East End full service transport company that will eliminate the need for carrying your burden to the beach.

Have a broken leg or an elderly relative who uses a walker? There’s no need to avoid the beach, as our burros are equipped for human transport as well.

With Beach Burros, for a fee of just $20 per load, you can bring all the items you want, because our burros are rated to carry up to 200 pounds each.

Best of all, our burros are already accustomed to walking on sand so they can carry the load directly to the drop site. When you are ready to depart, just give our dispatcher a call and we’ll return to carry your belongings back to the car.

But Beach Burros is more than just me spreading my entrepreneurial wings in search of financial gain. The intrinsic value of the business is that we will have given purpose to and saved the lives of many burros. At the same time we will have saved the government money, as they will have fewer burros to protect and provide for. And let’s not overlook the fact that we will have solved a huge problem for East End beach goers.

Technically, these animals are protected federal government property, so I believe the various town boards have no jurisdiction over them and thus can’t regulate their use. And there should be no immigration concern because, even though “burro” is the Spanish word for donkey, these burros are 100% U.S. born and raised.

I figure, given the number of area beaches, that I’ll be able to support the use of 20 to 30 burros. During the off season, the burros will be available to participate in live nativity scenes and even make trips to and from the grocery store, when the roads are too dangerous to drive.  For locals, I’m even considering free burro rides for those drunk patrons who may find themselves in a position where they should not be driving home from a local establishment.

How can you rent a beach burro you ask? I hope to have the business launched by the end of July. Look for upcoming ads in Dan’s.

And remember our slogan—“We work our asses off—so you don’t have to.”

Hope to see you at the beach!

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