Hamptons Police Blotter: Car Egged, Taxi Stiffed, McGumbus Pays In Pennies


The mean streets of the Hamptons were at it again with some sensation stories that don’t even seem true. But that’s just how it goes here on the East End.

Fare and Foul

A man in Southampton got into a taxi and told the driver that he needed a ride to his hotel. When they arrived and the driver asked for the $20 fare, the man refused and said that it was too much money, then threw two dollars at the cab driver. When the passenger was told that he had to pay more, he punched the driver in the face. Police responded to the incident and arrested the dollar tosser, who had to pay the fare, then pay some jail time.



A man in Amagansett reported that his car had been egged and his tires slashed by an unknown person. When police investigated, they found that he had received text messages and threatening voicemails from another man, who also had been by his house the night before. Police confronted the suspect, who told them he didn’t have anything to do with messing up the car but agreed to no longer contact the victim. The perpetrator remains at large, but we have a feeling nobody will be making scrambled eggs on this man’s car anymore.


Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 103 years old, current Grand Warlock Supreme Ruler for the Shelter Island African Honey Bee Rhinoceros Club and former World War II artillery gunner, made headlines last week when he went to pay $4,322 in parking tickets with pennies. McGumbus, who has illegally parked his pickup truck on the front lawn of the Shelter Island Coffee and Hipster House on more than one occasion, says that he’s paying the fine with pennies because, “Each penny represents a wish that the hipsters will leave Shelter Island, or at the very least, join the military.”


Bucking a Trend

Several deer hunters in Southampton Village are suffering from depression after five 12-point bucks were spotted frolicking around Willis Street. It’s illegal to hunt deer in Southampton Village, and the deer seem to be catching on.


On the Loose

Police in East Hampton responded to reports that a small, white dog was running around the village and the owner was nowhere to be found. Police found the dog, checked its collar and then called the owner, who was searching for the pup.


Not Cool

A cooler loaded with beer and wine was stolen in Montauk last week. The victims said that they had roughly $30 worth of alcohol inside the cooler. May karma descend upon the culprit.



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