The promos show Kaitlyn in tears. She let things go too far with one of the bachelors. Can anyone say Nick? You don’t have to be a psychic to see that coming. Oh, you foolish girl. Don’t you know Nick is the guy who kisses and brags on national television? How will you ever get past this with the other hopefuls? It might be irreparable.
8 p.m.—Time for The Bachelorette version of Fifty Shades of Grey
Migraines, Mistakes and Misery
Yes, we start where we left off last week at the cliffhanger. Ian, with that great big Princeton chip on his shoulder, is lacing into Kaitlyn. It’s his farewell rant.
He calls her “surface level.”
He accuses her of “plowing fields.”
“I’m not the guy you’re looking for,” he says. You got that right, Ian.
Ian boasts he knows what it takes to be The Bachelor. He feels destined for it. My take, yes, you are destined for something, but being the next Bachelor is definitely not what America wants. Cut your losses, get out of town and try not to slam the door behind you on your way out.
Oh, crap! Look who’s quick to pick up the pieces after Ian’s exit? It’s Nick, of course. Damn! Shawn, why didn’t you knock on her door? Instead, Shawn decides to find out why Nick has been away so long, only to catch sight of Kaitlyn locking lips with Nick. Shawn slinks away in disgust.
It’s time for the rose ceremony. Everyone gathers at the Alamo in San Antonio, Texas and it’s the last stand for Justin and Joshua who are sent packing.
Chris Harrison announces to the remaining contestants that their next stop is Dublin, Ireland, and the one-on-one date goes to, guess who? Yeah, you already know—Nick.
Kaitlyn and Nick tour Dublin, river dance in the town square and dine that night in a chapel, culminating in Nick getting a “please stay” rose. It’s all very innocent and sweet, until Kaitlyn makes the severe mistake of inviting Nick back to her hotel suite. She doesn’t want the night to end. Yes, there is an overwhelming attraction between these two. But wait, Kaitlyn, how about the others waiting to spend time with you? Think of Mr. Perfect, Shawn, or Chris “cupcake” the dentist or adorable Jared. No, she’s not thinking at all. She gives in to Nick.
Cut to next morning, Nick has a stink-eating grin on his face as he exits her suite and Kaitlyn is left on the balcony consumed with guilt. Close up of a bee pollinating a flower. OK, Bachelorette producers, we don’t need the metaphor to figure out what happened last night.
Kaitlyn, now is not the time for second guessing. You should have thought about that last night. In the light of day, she fears Nick will tell the guys what happened. Oh, you know he can’t wait to get back to them and spill every last sordid detail. That’s Nick’s MO, kiss and tell. He did it to Andy; he’ll do it to you. I must give Nick credit however for weaseling his way in and putting another Bachelorette notch in his belt.
Cut to a bizarre group date as the men are escorted to a pub for a traditional Irish wake. They find Kaitlyn laid out in a casket. Chris Harrison tells them that they must give a celebratory speech about her. It’s all in good fun and they get a laugh out of it. The “wake” wraps up with banjo and guitar music.
The night’s after party is at a Guinness storehouse, and Jared gets the group date rose. Kaitlyn whisks him away to a cathedral where The Cranberries serenade them. Jared is falling hard for Kaitlyn.
Cut back to the rest who were on the group date. Shawn is miserable—he’s practically climbing the walls. He feels rejected and can’t take it any longer. He tells a production assistant, “I can’t do this. She’s ruining everything we have.”
Next scene—Shawn is at Kaitlyn’s door.
Can anyone say cliffhanger…?
The Bachelorette Season 11, Week 7 airs on ABC next Monday, June 29 at 8 p.m. Check DansPapers.com next Tuesday for our next Guilty Pleasure Recap.
Barbara Anne Kirshner is the author of Madison Weatherbee-The Different Dachshund. She is a regular contributor to DansPapers.com. (More below book cover.)
*Meet Barbara Anne Kirshner in person this weekend, Saturday, June 27, 2–5 p.m. at Songs & Stories for Maureen’s Haven Homeless Outreach at the Southampton Cultural Center, where she will be reading from and signing her book Madison Weatherbee-The Different Dachshund.