Police Blotter

Slaw Train Coming to Resupply Hamptons Shortage

According to officials, last weekend saw a record number of coleslaw outages across the East End. Emergency shipments of the popular cabbage salad—considered an essential accompaniment to the breaded, fried seafood that is a staple of the local diet—were brought to the region in trucks with police escorts.

“It’s a problem that’s been growing for a long time,” explains East End Coleslaw Authority President Angie Salett. “With the surges of weekend visitors to the area, the demand for coleslaw skyrockets. It’s gotten to the point where our existing supply systems really can’t handle it anymore.”

A Coleslaw Authority plan, introduced this past spring, to resupply local coleslaw depots by tanker ship, was abandoned after a test run resulted in the accidental foundering of the tanker ship and the leaking of an estimated 25,000 gallons of premium coleslaw into Peconic Bay.

The Authority has been in emergency session, and yesterday released a new proposal that it seeks to implement within a few days. According to Authority President Salett, the new system will utilize existing rail lines and employ what are called “slawliners”—high speed, single-car locomotives carrying 1,000-gallon tanks filled with coleslaw—to deliver coleslaw safely and efficiently.

“Slawliners have been used safely and effectively in other coastal communities where breaded, fried seafood forms the basis of the native diet,” President Salett says. “We foresee no further problems ahead.”

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