The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: September 5–11, 2015

Week of September 5–11, 2015
Riders this past week: 25,000
Rider miles this past week: 194,812

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Jack Nicholson was seen on the subway Wednesday morning traveling from Water Mill to Southampton.

CHEF MAXIMO
This spring, getting ready for the summer rush, we hired a young man named Maximo Pedro Gomez to be dishwasher in the employee cafeteria at the Hampton Subway building in Hampton Bays. We didn’t check his papers. We just needed a dishwasher. He was very personable, and soon became a food preparer and then a jello mold maker. People said he his jello molds were unbelievable and when our dietician came down with food poisoning on July 2, he was asked to step up and prepare the food for a week. Everyone loved his Pedro Taco Polo Jiminez (named after his late father.) Even the dietician recovered, said she’d never tasted such an excellent dish. The employees raved too. They now were bringing guests for lunch. Then the cafeteria got that wonderful review in the New York Times. Now we learn Maximo is leaving. He had taken three personal days to be guest chef at Mano Mano in Manhattan and their one Michelin Star immediately became three. Now, he’s accepted a quarter-million-dollar bonus to be Chef Maximo at Mano Mano full time and we wish him well. Good luck Maximo. We love you. We hope his papers are in order.

HIGH DRAMA ON THE SOUTHAMPTON PLATFORM
At 11:59 p.m. last Sunday night, we summed up the weekly ridership. Marketing manager Mark Anderson was down on the Southampton platform at that hour counting the passengers because, as it came down to 24,996 and 24,997 it appeared as if his marketing dream would come true, and we would have exactly 25,000 riders for the week. He was there, ready, as the seconds ticked down, with all the prizes, the TV and microwave and the trophy and sure enough, a man who said he was Tom Roger Smith stepped on the train and Anderson raised his arms, the signal to the motorman to hold up. He’d present the prizes. After he did, and the doors began to close though, suddenly Smith’s wife appeared coming from outside and tried to pry open the doors. Anderson intervened and an altercation took place. Smith’s wife cried, Anderson shouted couldn’t she just be without him just this one trip and from inside Smith shouted back she didn’t know the way, but by then it was too late. So off Smith went with the prizes, with his wife behind kicking and cursing on the platform. This has come to the attention of Commissioner Aspinall, who has fired Anderson. We regret everything.

THANK YOU DAN’S PAPERS
For five years now, Dan’s Papers has been publishing our weekly Hampton Subway Newsletter, available in the racks on all the platforms to riders, without any cost to us. We are very appreciative that they have been doing this and hereby once again thank them, as we did two years ago. We’d forgotten to do this last year, and a note from them saying they hoped we would not forget two years in a row reminded us of the fact that an annual thank you is in our agreement. So thank you. Other newspapers have asked that we let them do this, but we want to go with the biggest and best and that is Dan’s Papers. So again, thank you.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
This is Labor Day Weekend coming up, and as I do every Labor Day every year, I thank the workers of America for having kept us ahead of the Russians, the Japanese and now the Chinese. Thank you.

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