Police Blotter

Music Video Introduces Hamptons Students to Sex & Drugs

The appearance of a Hamptons high-school teacher in a raunchy heavy metal music video led to protests over the weekend, and police were called to control the crowds.

The video in which the local science teacher appears features images of mature sexuality, the use of drugs and alcohol, and rampant nudity and cursing—although the teacher himself is not seen to be involved in these activities, which were, in any case, not actually taking place but were being staged for the purposes of a music video. The protesters were nonetheless outraged that someone employed by a school could appear in such a context.

“Our high-schoolers wouldn’t know about drugs if it weren’t for this video!” shouted one miffed parent. “My Johnny has never been at a party where girls were also present!” cried another. “In an act of horrifying callousness, this school employee has forever ruined our children’s innocence,” wept a third.

The school itself was closed down, as is now considered an unsafe environment for the few children whose souls remain unsoiled.

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