Police Blotter

Sag Harbor Citizens Can’t Stop the Boogie

Emergency units received numerous calls over the weekend from anxious Sag Harborites who found themselves unable to stop the boogie.

According to medical personnel, these calls tend to come in every year on the weekend of the Sag Harbor American Music Festival, as local townspeople, unaccustomed to the compelling nature of the boogie beat, are exposed to the rhythm in the ordinary course of going about their business.

According to Bonnie Winship of the Hamptons Ambulance Service (HAS), foul play does not appear to be involved.

“Locals just happen to come downtown, and the beat’s all around them, and they find that they can’t stop the boogie,” Winship said, stressing that, while being caught in a “boogie loop” is not technically dangerous, it is a prudent to keep authorities informed when you can’t stop the boogie and when—or if—the boogie does finally stop. “In 95 percent of cases, the boogie will stop in about three hours, although there have been cases of not being able to stop the boogie for up to a month.”

Officials have assured the public that as fervor from the festival dies down, so should the boogie beat. An unlucky few may continue on and on till the break of dawn, but HAS EMTs are in the process of procuring them some “righteous boogie shoes,” but under no circumstances should citizens approach the afflicted.

“No matter what they say, these shoes were not put on just to boogie with you,” Winship warned, explaining that the groove could be infectious.

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