Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Protect Moonshiners from ATV Traffic

Hamptons Police Department units were out in force in the Pine Barrens last week cracking down on ATV riders who illegally drive their noisy vehicles through this public land—destroying vegetation, scaring wildlife and frequently ruining hidden liquor distilleries that flourish in the remoter parts of the environmentally sensitive area.

“We’ve had numerous calls from distressed moonshiners who arrive at their Pine Barrens hideouts and find their camouflaged equipment, much of which is hand-made or antique, run over by careless ATV riders,” Hamptons Police Department spokesman Larry Hirsch said. “These historic stills, some of which have been active since the 1920s and have been passed down from generation to generation, have been known to produce some of the finest, clearest corn liquor you’ve ever tasted—and they’re being destroyed by kids on dirt bikes,” Hirsch continued, adding, “We’re going to stop that.”

According to Hirsch, police ticketed more than 25 illegal ATV riders in the Pine Barrens on Sunday alone, and over the course of the week also assisted numerous moonshiners in putting their stills back into working order.

“We’re now dedicated to a new vigilance in protecting what is an irreplaceable resource from the scourge of ATVs,” Hirsch said, noting that there’s liable to be a “mighty tasty bottle of hooch in it” for anyone who provides information to the police.

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