Police Blotter

Police Respond to Blown Minds in Sag Harbor

Sag Harbor was the scene of confusion late Saturday night as dozens of people were found wandering the streets aimlessly with dazed looks in their eyes. Police were called to investigate.

“At first we naturally suspected some controlled substances were involved,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch said, “but after some research we discovered that these people were experiencing the aftereffects of having their minds completely blown.”

Police were able to ascertain that an event at Bay Street Theater titled “A Night at the Fillmore,” during which several bands recreated the music of acid rock legends Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and the Jefferson Airplane, was the likely source of “wild and trippy” vibrations that caused a large number of minds to be blown. “Let’s face it, most people aren’t used to that kind of spaced-out, freaky sound anymore,” Hirsch said, “and so when they got a full dose of it at Bay Street, they just lost it.”

Hirsch noted that the theater did a “scary good job” of recreating certain consciousness-expanding lighting effects as well, which probably contributed to the large-scale blowing of minds. Police were able to bring most of the affected individuals to their senses by playing them songs by John Denver and the Carpenters—antidotes to the transcendent sounds of the Jefferson Airplane.

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