Police Blotter

Hamptons Man Vanishes After Leaf Blower Launch

The Hamptons Police are investigating the disappearance of an East Hampton man who, witnesses say, was last seen using a leaf blower on his property on Further Lane.

“Neighbors and passersby saw this man emerge from his garden shed with a brand new leaf blower,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch told reporters. “He went to the middle of his lawn and started the leaf blower and, according to our witnesses, took off straight up like a bottle rocket.”

Camilla Genovese, who was driving by the man’s property at the time these events took place, furnished some more details. “He was dressed like you would to do yard work, and he pointed the leaf blower straight toward the ground as he pulled the cord to start it up,” Genovese said. “And, as soon as the motor turned over, there was like this huge blast of air—dust and leaves went everywhere, I even got something in my eye! And the guy just flew straight into the air and vanished almost immediately.”

Police investigators say that receipts show that the man had recently purchased a Super-Turbo Leafmeister 4000, far and away the most powerful leaf blower on the market. Although these machines have only recently become available, they’ve already caused numerous accidents—and the instructions specifically warn against holding the tool perpendicular to the ground.

According to Hirsch, the Hamptons Police are girding themselves for many more incidents involving the dangerous machines. “You know not everybody’s going to read the instructions, and by the time summer’s over we may well have colonized the moon!” The search for the missing man continues, and police would appreciate any information.

Read more tales from the Hamptons Police Blotter

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