Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Assist BBC Befuddled Couple

The Hamptons Police responded on Friday night to calls reporting shouts at a local residence. Numerous neighbors were disturbed by what were described as “raised, angry voices,” and many noted that the people making the racket had “thick Scottish accents.”

Treating the situation as a possible domestic altercation in progress, Hamptons Police Department officers approached the house carefully. However, what they found inside was just a peaceful, middle-aged married couple trying to watch a BBC or Acorn TV mystery program filmed in the UK.

“They had turned the sound up to an almost deafening level,” Hamptons PD spokesman Larry Hirsch said, “in the apparent hope that it would help them understand the impenetrable Scottish dialect used by the actors on the program.”

The couple was shocked to find that they had caused neighbors to alert the police.

“They had been inching the sound level up slowly over the course of the program, and didn’t realize how loud it had become.” According to Hirsch, important details of the program still remained unclear to the couple, despite the ear-splitting volume at which they had been hearing the dialogue. “They couldn’t tell us the nature of the crime that was being investigated, they were unable to name any of the characters on the screen, and were hoping that we could tell them what it means to ‘have a kip.’”

When asked by reporters if the police were able to aid the befuddled couple in understanding the show, Hirsch was ambivalent. “Well, we continued watching the show with them for approximately 15 minutes, and I’m not sure if the characters were speaking English.”

Outside consultants note that the show may have actually demonstrated a Yorkshire dialect (evidence in the video clip below), and they have suggested the couple use English subtitles, or the closed caption feature on their television.

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