The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 19–25, 2016

Week of August 19–25, 2016
Riders this past week: 19,827
Rider miles this past week: 138.912

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Steven Spielberg was filming in a subway car heading westbound between East Hampton and Georgica last Thursday at 4 p.m., but then forgot to get off. He lives in Georgica. Our spotter then stayed with him to Southampton, still filming, where he finally got off, got on the eastbound train and told our spotter—who had followed him all the way—that he’d got all caught up in what he was doing and just forgot to get off at Georgica so now was going back. When our spotter reported this to headquarters, we noticed Spielberg did not have a permit to film, but we decided that since it is Steven Spielberg, he doesn’t need a permit.

FREE WRISTBANDS
Our new marketing director Amos Absentee, direct from the Colony Hotel in Las Vegas, is giving out leftover wristbands from all the charity events in the Hamptons during the last two weeks. He gathered them up. These wristbands can get you into special events if you’ve got the right color, and they go out to whoever wants one going through the turnstiles on Saturday morning at all our platforms, as long as they last. Since they are for events that already took place, they don’t get you into anything new. But they will make you feel special. Docents on all platforms will help you put them on.

NOT IN QUOGUE
Quogue Mayor Hickenlooper has informed Hamptons Subway that private establishments in his village are allowed only one major event a year with more than 50 people—it’s about crowd control—and so any events on the subway, weddings bar mitzvahs, birthday parties etc. will be ticketed by his ordinance inspectors as they go through his town, even though it is underground. The party’s over.

Subway Commissioner Aspinall says the subway has no choice but to acquiesce to the Mayor’s wishes, and so when a big event is in progress as the train enters Quogue underground, the event is officially terminated until the train stops at the Quogue station and heads out to cross the Village line into a new jurisdiction where officialdom is not being such a ball buster.

Mr. Aspinall also notes that in all the years that the subways have been able to be rented for celebrations such as these, there has never been one rented for a birthday party, a fact which he attributes to the breeze inside the subway cars as they rumble along the tracks. The breeze would surely blow out all the candles if such an event were ever scheduled.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWIE FEIRSTEIN
Motorman Howie Feirstein celebrated his 38th birthday on the third floor of the cafeteria of the Hamptons Subway building in Hampton Bays last Friday and much of the staff attended, but the cutting of the cake and the singing of “Happy Birthday” had to be done quickly because Feirstein had been forced to cover for motorman Bill Gaines at the last minute after Gaines injured his throttle arm and had to go to the hospital. Feirstein, good trooper that he is, parked his train at the Hampton Bays station, ran over to the Hamptons Subway Building, thanked everybody, blew out the candles and cut the cake and ran back to continue on with those on board only noticing about a 30-second delay.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Our air conditioning system came through like a champ during last week’s heat wave, but now won’t turn off. We hope to have the problem fixed by Monday. Wear coats until then.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY

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