Hamptons Police Chief and Napeague Mayor Face Off in IQ Test Imbroglio

IQ Test
Photo: Asawin Klabma/123RF

The Hamptons Police were at pains this week to dismiss rumors of a breakdown in relations between Hamptons Police Chief Joe Ronson and Napeague Mayor Roy Plowman. An IQ test was also mentioned.

The rumors came about after it was leaked to the media that Mayor Plowman had referred to Chief Ronson as a “freakin’ birdbrain.”

The Mayor’s disparagement of the Chief’s mental faculties apparently came after the Chief had suggested, in a meeting between himself and the Mayor, instituting of a new speed limit of 80 miles per hour on the Napeague Stretch.

According to others in attendance, the Chief thought this would be a good idea because “the road is very straight and people want to drive fast there.”

The Mayor strenuously disagreed with that rationale, pointing out how difficult it would be for residents of neighborhoods along the Stretch to pull into such swiftly moving traffic.

At a press conference called to address the rumored friction between them, Mayor Plowman denied any ill will between himself and the Chief, saying it was all hearsay and “politics as usual.” However, he did not specifically deny calling the Chief a birdbrain.

After the presser, Chief Ronson promptly issued an ultimatum, saying that, unless Plowman agreed to an IQ test competition to see which of the two of them was more intelligent, he would have no choice but to unilaterally change the speed limit on the Stretch without any more discussion. For the sake of easing public anxiety about the state of local law enforcement, Hamptons Police Department spokesmen Larry Hirsch issued a statement claiming that Ronson’s ultimatum was meant as a “joke.”

However, numerous local news outlets reported that Ronson and Plowman visited the local chapter of Mensa in Sagaponack and that results of an IQ test competition between the two will be forthcoming.

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