Police Blotter

Hamptons Officials Concerned About Marijuana Legalization

Up until now, locals have been totally unexposed to the drug.

Hamptons officials are raising objections to the proposed legalization of marijuana in New York State. Of particular concern to the officials is that Hamptons residents have been, up until now, in the officials’ words, “totally unexposed to this dangerous substance.”

“East Enders, because they don’t live near areas where marijuana is grown or sold, have had no experience with this volatile drug,” reads a letter sent by Hamptons officials to NY Governor Andrew Cuomo. “What happens when it’s suddenly available? Upon their first ever exposure to this unpredictable narcotic, how will they react?”

In the same letter, the officials argue that recreational marijuana should at least remain illegal in this particular geographical area. “By keeping the drug illegal in the region, we will ensure that the local, unexposed population will have absolutely no access to this harmful substance. While some may contend that people will drive some distance outside of the area to obtain legal marijuana, we prefer to think better of our pure, wholesome local residents.”

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