The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of June 27–July 3, 2019

Commissioner Aspinall considers running for his 10th two-year term.

Week of June 27–July 3, 2019
Riders this past week: 49,988
Rider miles this past week: 178,412 

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Academy Award winner Mercedes Ruhl was seen taking the Hamptons Subway from East Hampton to Sag Harbor last Thursday morning reading a the script of a play called Safe Space, or Safe at First, our spotter wasn’t sure because she was sitting too far away to be able to tell for sure. Apparently, whichever play it is, she’s in it. Author Colson Whitehead was seen on the Hamptons Subway also heading to Sag Harbor, but in this case from Bridgehampton. He said he was visiting friends. Jazz musician Evan Sherman, carrying a kettle drum, was seen on the subway going from Water Mill to Southampton last Sunday afternoon, having come from his Jazz performance at the Bridgehampton Child Care luncheon fundraiser at the Water Mill Center.

NEW RATES
With the subway now voted by certain magazines to be among the “chic” modes of transportation in the Hamptons, Commissioner Aspinall has ordered the rates for a subway ride increased from $2.75 to $7 on July 10, subject to the approval of the New York State Subway Commission. Opponents of this stiff fare hike say the increase will hurt lower and middle income people the most since $7 is a lot of money to them, while not so much for the well to do. Aspinall in reply says he is aware of that, and intends to hold a contest where the winner, one every week, will be allowed to use the subway at the old rate for that week.

COOPERS STOP OPEN
The subway spur that takes riders out to Coopers Beach and dead ends at the platform there went operational for the summer on June 15. A cover band playing The Beach Boys’ songs entertained the bathers. Next week the Main Beach stop in East Hampton will open. As each of the platforms are twenty feet up the sand dune on the ocean side, it invariably happens that one person gets injured climbing up or down from them every year. This year we got that out of the way on our third day open. It happened at Coopers. Lifeguard Bill Robbins slipped on the Southampton stairs that day and injured his left ankle. He will be on the disabled list for two weeks. So now it is clear sailing through Labor Day in the injury department. There are three other lifeguards at Coopers, so you can still go in the ocean, but because of what happened, not quite as much during the next two weeks.

NEW RULE STOPS ROBOCALLS
At the beach, you can swim, play volleyball, build sandcastles and lie in the sun and the last thing you want is to be the victim of a robocall. To put a stop to this, Hamptons Subway is blocking all phone service at Cooper’s and Main BEach for the summer. If it’s a success, phone service will be blocked on the rest of the system starting in January.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Since the U. S. Supreme Court struck down the new Hamptons Subway rule making me Commissioner for Life, it will be necessary to once again hold an election for that position. This is a waste of subway money holding these elections—we could be painting some of the older subway cars for example instead—but we will nevertheless obey the law and decide on an upcoming date for new elections for Commissioner. If held and I win, this will be my 10th two-year term as Commissioner, putting my shoulder to the wheel and my back to the subway executive office room door, or whatever they want me to say. Ho hum.

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