Ask Beatty: My Journey as a Therapist

For over 35 years and counting, I have treated thousands of men and women and children of all ages and stages in life and from every socioeconomic background, gender, sexual orientation, and religion. People typically contact me when they are in a state of crisis. Their problems range from clinical depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse of various kinds, sexual abuse, relationship problems, domestic violence, extramarital affairs, and sexual issues. I have yet to receive a call or email from anyone who is requesting counseling to “improve their communication or problem-solving skills.” I have often wished that there was a way to motivate and inspire people to seek help before their life was in shambles. This is primarily why I have been and continue to be an advocate for primary prevention and intervention in our schools. Frankly, our schools need to do a much better job in providing students with much needed emotional, psychological, and psychiatric support.

People routinely ask me what it’s really like being a therapist. In today’s Ask Beatty column I will share with you my amazing journey. It’s a journey that a little girl growing up in an Orthodox Jewish Winnipeg family could never have imagined in her wildest dreams.

How Did It All Begin?

I grew up in a family (I am an only child) where helping others was a very normal part of daily life. Although we weren’t wealthy, my parents taught me about the importance of giving to others; including supporting a variety of charities, the homeless — and really anyone that they knew who needed a helping hand. When I was 10 years old they bought me a white transistor radio for Chanukah. To this day, I don’t know how I found the Ask the Pastor Show. It was a call-in counseling show hosted by a minister that aired every Sunday night from midnight until 1 a.m. People would call in and talk about their various problems and the minister would try to help them resolve their issues. I couldn’t get enough of this show. At 10, I dreamed of hosting a call-in radio show, particularly since my friends would always come to me asking for advice. My dream has been realized as an adult. I have hosted a number of call-in counseling radio shows on major networks over the years.

After receiving my master’s of social work degree from McGill University in Montreal, I completed a three-year post-graduate training program in marriage and family therapy and sexual dysfunction. My first job as a school social worker was in the inner city schools in Montreal. Teachers identified students who were struggling and immediately referred them to either the school social worker, nurse, or the school psychologist (if they felt that psycho-social/educational testing was indicated). Parents were always involved in the process, and I can remember making dozens and dozens of home visits over the years to students’ homes. I learned a lot about working with poor immigrant families who did their very best to provide for their children in every possible way. I later became one of the directors for the entire School Social Services Program for greater Montreal.

As my career progressed, I became the executive director of Jewish Family Services in Calgary. I supervised a large staff, and obtained Family Service America accreditation for the agency, but soon realized that I missed working with individuals and families directly. Since moving to the United States, in 1987, I have been in private practice in Providence, Sarasota, New York City, and East Hampton. I have treated celebrities, politicians, CEOs of major companies, and everyday people like you and me. I even had the opportunity to treat a man who was charged with second-degree murder. I learned a lot from “Paul.” I learned first-hand about the possible consequences of growing up in poverty- in a violent home- with absolutely no support from anyone. He was probably one of my favorite patients. We worked together very well, as he was determined to deal with his ‘skeletons in the closet’. Just prior to his release from prison, I received a beautiful thank-you letter from him, letting me know that our work together enabled him to finally be in a good place.

Over the years I’ve learned that the emotional, psychological, and psychiatric issues that my inner-city families and children were struggling with were no different than my “rich and famous” clientele. Not having to worry about how you are going to pay your rent or put food on the table for your children obviously removes a great deal of stress and anguish. However, having a lot of money does not protect us from life’s ups and downs — from sickness, divorce, extramarital affairs, sexual abuse, substance abuse, domestic violence, depression, anxiety, and other psychiatric ills.

When my first book, For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, was first published, in 2000, it catapulted me into the national media world. I loved all the attention that I received in newspapers, magazines, radio, and television, knowing that people found my advice worthwhile and valuable. In 2003, I received a personal phone call from Governor Jeb Bush, who appointed me to Florida’s Commission on Marriage and Family Support Initiatives. I suspect that one of his assistants probably saw me on television, since I had regular ASK BEATTY segments on the noon news on Tampa’s ABC affiliate WFTS. I hoped that as a result of this appointment, I might be able to implement my Relationship Education program, based on my research and books, in Florida’s high schools and colleges. During the two years that I served, I met with all of the major decision makers in the State of Florida in the areas of education and social services. Unfortunately, I discovered that no one — other than principals, guidance counselors, social workers, nurses, psychologists, and teachers remotely cared about relationship education. It was an eye-opening and sobering experience for me.

Lessons to be Learned

Throughout all of these years, I have learned a great deal from my patients. I admire all of the people who have had the courage to reach out to me for help and who have trusted me and my advice in their journeys to lead happier and healthier lives. They have taught me to be more patient, compassionate, empathetic, inclusive, and less judgmental. My joy has come from helping them live lives that are in their best interest, despite their histories of pain and trauma. I am grateful for the clarity that I have gained about what’s really important in life. In the final analysis, it’s not the bigger house, fancier car, designer clothes, or multimillion-dollar stock portfolio that brings us true happiness. As so many philosophers and researchers over the centuries have taught us — it’s really about love, connection, finding a meaningful purpose to get out of bed every day, giving back to others in the spirit of generosity, and appreciating the awe and wonder of life’s creations. That I believe is a life well lived.

Beatty Cohan, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., A.A.S.E.C.T. is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of for Better for Worse Forever:  Discover the Path to Lasting Love, national speaker, columnist, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY SHOW on the Progressive Radio Network. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send her your questions and comments to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more information go to BeattyCohan.com.