Ask Beatty: Look in the Mirror, What Do You See?

Every week on my Ask Beatty Show on the Progressive Radio Network, I have a ‘how are you doing’ segment, where I ask my listeners to honestly evaluate their mental health, relationships, lifestyle, health, goals, values, finances and overall well-being. If things are going well, I encourage people to stay the course and congratulate themselves on finding ways (despite the stressors of life) to continue to live their lives in ways that are in their best interest. However, if in answering my questions you discover that one or more areas of your life are not working for you, the question then becomes ‘what to do?

It is our avoidance, denial, blame, self-blame and defensiveness that keep us in a downward spiral. It takes a lot of courage to be willing to acknowledge, address and resolve (as best as we can) the things that continue to get in the way of our lives and relationships. If we refuse to step up to the plate and confront our demons – (old and new), it become increasingly difficult to fully enjoy life.

Mirror mirror on the wall:How well or how badly do you treat others?

Today I’m asking you to look into your mirror- without any filters- and ask yourself how well or how badly you treat the many people who you interact with in your life – your partner, your spouse, your children, your gardner, your doorman, your hairdresser, your housekeeper, your employees and the clerk at the check-out counter at your grocery store. Do you take people for granted? Are you aware of how your own sense of privilege and entitlement often manifests itself in rude and insensitive behavior? Do you return people’s phone calls and emails or do you ignore or ghost them- without a single thought or concern about how your dismissive and insensitive behavior might affect them? Do you thank people and express appreciation for the big and little things that they do for you? Or do you tell yourself that since you are a very important and busy person with lots of commitments, that you simply haven’t the time or energy to think about how others percieve you?

When and under what circumstances did you learn to hurt others?

When did you become so callous and uncaring? What series of events in your life may have caused or contributed to your indifference and lack of empathy and compassion toward the world? People who hurt others emotionally, physically or sexually were often hurt as children. Are you perhaps the hurt little boy or girl who adopted this hard, protective shell- hoping that it might shield you from further hurts? The reality is that people who feel genuinely secure within themselves, have little if any need to lash out and hurt others. Maybe it’s time for you to do some serious ‘inner ‘work’ that could help you become the best version of yourself. I routinely remind people, we don’t need to navigage life’s ups and downs on our own. Sometimes the very best thing that we can do for ourselves, is to find a competent therapist who can help us live the joyful and happy life that we deserve.

Taking a self-inventory

Rarely, do we sit down and look in the mirror and reflect on our own image and behavior. This is exactly what I’m asking you to do. This exercise is for you alone.You need not share your answers with anyone. What’s important is that you are honest with yourself. You may discover that you routinely treat people well. Continue to do so- since you are clearly an active participant in helping to make the world a better more loving and happier place for all. On the other hand you may discover that your behavior leaves much to be desired. Are you willing to own it? And more importantly, are you willing to pivot and make a commitment to behave in more caring, compassionate, empathic and loving ways?

It’s truth time: lessons to be learned or not!

I’d like you to compile a list of all the people in your life..present and past who you may have inadvertantly wounded – people who you would like to apologize to and try and make amends.

Who would be on your list? Family members? Colleagues? Friends? Maybe it’s one of your employees who you recently brought to tears for no reason at all- other than your sense of superiority, grandiosity and status or your need to wield your power?

Are you willing to put aside your ego and offer heartful apologies- with no excuses- for your ‘bad’ behavior? I hope that your answer is yes.

There are no guarantees that the people who you have hurt will be responsive and be willing to forgive you. Whether they do or don’t is less important than your being willing to finally acknowledge, apologize and take responsibilty for your own insensitive and perhaps even cruel behavior that may have caused people great pain and anguish.

As you go through this introspective process, I hope that moving forward you will become more aware of how you behave and the impact that your behavior has on others. This could be a major turning point for you. This could be the beginning of a new and better and more fulfilling chapter in all facts of your life. I encourage you to get on board and take that first step! Here’s to a better version of you in 2026!

Beatty Cohan M.S.W., L.C.S.W., A.A.S.E.C.T. is a nationally recognized psychotheraist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY SHOW on the Progressive Radio Network, which airs live every Monday from 1-2 p.m. EST (PRN.LIVE). She has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send her your comments and questions to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. Go to BeattyCohan.com for more information.