While winter in the Hamptons is blissfully quiet when compared to the melee of summer, enough is enough already. Fun fact: The Super Bowl was invented 47 years ago to give the northern half of the country something to look forward to in the dead of February.
Unfortunately, Baltimore vs. San Fran for Super Bowl XLVII has little obvious direct appeal to most East Enders. No local ties. No state ties. Not even regional, Northeastern ties. But statistics show that—obviously—the majority of Hamptonites are going to watch Super Bowl XLVII anyway.
Stats also show that people everywhere will consume a total of 1.23 billion chicken wings and 8.2 million pounds of tortilla chips over the course of the day.
With the likelihood of passionate Ravens-on-49ers smack talk at East End Super Bowl parties slim, let’s make Sunday more interesting—and healthy—by playing an area-themed game. The rules are simple: Every time someone at your Super Bowl fete says one of the below, make them do a push-up.
“Did you hear that Ray Lewis is going to buy a house in the Hamptons after he retires?”
“Think Beyoncé is lip-syncing right now?”
“I saw Beyoncé hanging out in Bridgehampton this summer.”
“Back when I was young, it used to snow all the time in January.”
“Check out this picture I took of snow on the beach.”
“It’s 10 degrees warmer in the city than it is out here.”
“…and I was rushing to catch the ferry and got stuck behind a tractor on the North Fork.”
“I would take the train to the city, but the LIRR only stops here at like 3 a.m.”
“Can you believe how many stores close during the week out here?”
“Have you tried out that new Highway Diner in Wainscott?”
“Have you been to the new All Star bowling alley in Riverhead?”
“I love (insert name of restaurant), but I would only eat there in the winter.”
“I heard Starbucks is coming to Southampton.”
“Putting another supermarket in Southampton would be great for the community.”
“Putting another supermarket in Southampton would be terrible for traffic.”
“How sad is it that the Peconic Water Jitney may not return next year?”
“Did you know that the Boardy Barn actually hosts a lot of community benefits?”
Someone says “aww” when a baby animal grows up during a Budweiser commercial.
Someone references his/her favorite commercial from the 2012 Super Bowl.
“I could never live on Shelter Island during the winter.”
“I could never live in Montauk during the winter.”
“What do you think Orient residents do during the winter?”
“When will construction on CR-39 stop?”
“When will the real fixes on CR-39 start?”
“When will they address the flooding problem on (insert name of street)?”
“Did you know that the East Quogue 7-Eleven is the busiest in the country?”
“Did you know that the Southampton 7-Eleven is the busiest in the country?”
“…I read it in Dan’s.”
“Have you ever seen a deer swim?”
“Are you going to the Montauk St. Patrick’s Day Parade?”
“Have you ever had a pickleback?”
“Did you know Revenge isn’t filmed here?”
An announcer references “The Harbowl.”
“Did you hear that Dan’s Papers interviewed Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend?”
Bonuses: Do a push-up for every person you spot bee-lining for the bathroom during halftime. Give two pushups every time someone drinks a local brew—Three if they drink a local wine. Take four if you guess what color Gatorade will be poured on the winning coach. And five if you spot a Hamptons celeb on the sidelines.
Note: This column does not endorse swapping push-ups for drinks. It does, however, encourage supporting local businesses of all types.