Hamptons Police Call for Calm on Friday the 13th but Paranoids Still Panic

Hamptons Police Call for Calm on Friday the 13th but Paranoids Still Panic

In recognition of it being Friday the 13th yesterday, the Hamptons Police Department issued a release calling for calm.

From the text of the release:

While we appreciate that tensions run high when, through the mysterious workings of the calendar, the day Friday and the 13th of the month happen to coincide, the Hamptons Police Department would like to urge calm. Friday the 13th is terrifying and an evil portent, but there’s still no reason to panic. We advise that those who are incapable of calming themselves by harnessing their own inner reserves of reason should seek out medical doctors to prescribe calming medications. If approached properly, this day can become one of manageable alarm rather than unbridled horror. It will be over soon.

End of day reports Friday contend that the release did little to allay the fears of superstitious people, paranoids and the insane. Pretty much everyone else didn’t care one way or the other, aside from posting Jason mask memes and the like on their various social media accounts.

“All in all, we’re calling it a success,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch said.

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