That Earthquake

I was really scared when the earthquake hit last week. I was sitting in my office upstairs when suddenly I felt the entire building move. My colleagues Chris and Eric, who both sit in the room with me, looked up and all of us had a look of, “What the @#$ is going on?”

“Do you feel that?” Eric said.

“Yeah, let’s get the hell out of here!”

We all got up from our desks and ran outside as fast as we could and on our way out the door we yelled to the rest of the office, “Is anybody else feeling that!!! Get outside!” [expand]

The entire staff of Dan’s Papers met outside to discuss what had happened. None of us are from California and none of us had ever experienced an earthquake, so we were all a little frazzled.

The whole thing lasted about 20 seconds or so, but it was 20 terrifying seconds, and when it was all over, we decided to see what the aftermath of the entire event was. After all, we had just experienced a serious earthquake! It was time to regroup.

According to a CNN report, there was a 5.9 earthquake that originated in Virginia and was felt in Washington D.C., New York City and on Martha’s Vineyard, where President Barack Obama is on vacation.

The Aftermath of the Hamptons Earthquake 2011:


16 cups of coffee were spilled in the Hamptons. Several of which landed on the floor and damaged some of the rugs. One rug at a very wealthy person’s house, was  a special rug from Turkey, and when the coffee crashed on top of it, the rug was ruined. The estimated cost of the rug damage in the Hamptons is $1.6 million dollars.

Lawn Chairs:

Several lawn chairs toppled over outside. Some of the owners of the lawn chairs had to actually pick up the tipped-over chairs and place them back where they belong. A few people were crying.


Although there were no reports of crying over spilled milk, three people reported that, well, they spilled some milk.


Now this was a real travesty, $78 worth of wine was spilled onto the ground, none of it has been recovered.

Johnny Walker Blue:

Even this reporter nearly shed a tear when the report came through the wire that a man spilled a glass of Johnny Walker Blue scotch onto his pants while he was drinking it at his home.


$46 worth of martinis were lost in the Hamptons according to Hamptons martini specialist Burke Jordan.


Two books fell off of a bookcase in Southampton, all of the books have been recovered and no financial loss was reported.

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