One Very Angry Woman in the Hamptons

A high-speed chase, a woman out of control and more antics from Old Man McGumbus made it another busy week for the Blotter.

Now That Is One Angry Woman 

A woman in East Hampton was arrested after she kicked a police officer in the face and attempted to bite another. The woman was highly intoxicated when police arrived at her home in response to a domestic disturbance. Police asked her to put out her cigarette and instead of doing so she blew smoke into the officer’s face. She then attempted to block officers from entering the home. While she was arrested, she flailed her arms, kicked an officer in the chest, stomped on another’s foot, kicked another in the face and tried to bite an officer. Wow. Just…I mean, wow. [expand]


Tried To Make A Run For It

A woman in East Hampton lead police on a high speed pursuit after officers attempted to pull her over for making a left turn at high speed. When police activated their sirens and lights, the woman tried to make a run for it, O.J. Simpson style, and lead police on a chase at speeds that exceeded 100 miles per hour. She was arrested and for some reason at that moment, the theme song to the television show “COPS” was heard playing in the distance.


Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 106 years old and former World War II battleship commander, was arrested last week after he attempted to solve the economic crisis in the United States by creating his own currency, which he called “The Gumbu.” Old Man McGumbus began printing “Gumbus” out his house using an old-fashioned ink printer. The Gumbu, at least according to McGumbus, “Was to be used as legal tender for goods and services in THE REAL AMERICA, and that it was legal for all people to use except for those of hippie descent.” The Gumbu has a portrait of McGumbus on it and according to McGumbus, every Gumbu printed is worth $300. The old man was arrested at the grocery store when he attempted to buy $300 worth of bacon (the only food that Old Man McGumbus eats) and $300 worth of Budweiser (the only thing Old Man McGumbus drinks). He was arrested for stealing when he walked out of the store. While being arrested he was quoted saying, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM, YOU DAMN HIPPIE!!!” And while he was put into the squad car he was quoted saying, “WHAT THE HELL KIND OF CAR IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS SOME KIND OF JAPANESEGERMAN PIECE OF CRAP YOU DAMN COMMUNIST!!!”

For the record, the squad car was a Ford. Made in America.

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