Hamptons Police Blotter: Man Goes For Swim, Woman Caught Red Handed, McGumbus Slaps Hippie

This week in the Hamptons a man decided that it would be a good idea to take a dip in a flood zone, while a woman thought it would be fun to steal gasoline from somebody’s car. Think that you’ve had enough of Old Man McGumbus? Think again.

Off For A Swim
A man was seen swimming in the flooded Sag Harbor Village parking lot after Hurricane Sandy. He was wearing a Speedo and goggles, and would occasionally stand on a submerged parked car so that he could do squat thrusts. I guess everybody has to exercise somehow.

Pressed For Time
A woman in Hampton Bays last week was caught red-handed after she attempted to siphon gasoline out of a truck. The woman said she needed the gasoline because she heard that there was a gas shortage and didn’t want to wait on a line.

Shelter Island
Old Man McGumbus, 105 years old and former World War II hand-to-hand combat specialist, was arrested last week for urinating into the Starbucks coffee cup of a hipster who was sitting at a table inside the establishment. Police were called when McGumbus, after urinating, slapped the man across the face. He was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon because both of his hands are registered as lethal weapons.

Bad Dog
A large Great Dane in Bridgehampton drew the attention of authorities after it walked into the middle of Main Street and fell asleep on its back. The animal held up traffic for nearly
an hour.

Impound Yard
A man in East Hampton was arrested after he broke into the police impound yard. He claimed he entered the yard because he wished to retrieve the wheel spacers from his Jeep. He was released on $250 bail.

25 Grams
A man in Montauk was pulled over by police who found him to be in possession of 25 grams of marijuana. Police arrested the man and processed him at headquarters. When police explained to the man that marijuana was illegal and that he was being charged, he responded by saying, “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your
opinion, man.”

Show Me Your Papers
Police are reminding all residents to double- check the credentials of anybody who asks to enter your home and claims that they are a LIPA crew member. All utility workers are required to have photo identification; if a person cannot produce this identification when demanding to enter your home, you should call police.