Hamptons Rich Guy Toy #213332. Hiring People to Cry at Your Funeral.

This is going to sound a little morbid, but it’s a real thing.

For about $70 an hour, (assuming a 1.52 exchange rate for the British pound) you can hire a group of mourners to cry at your funeral. They even get a little class on your life beforehand so that when real relatives or friends start talking to these professional mourners, they won’t sound like they didn’t know you.

Sound crazy? Well yeah, but so did hiring private chefs to cook your pet’s meals or playing naked tennis.

The Telegraph reported yesterday that a company called Rent-a-Mourner in Braintree, Essex has been so busy with their business that they are planning on growing.

“Ian Robertson, the founder of Rent-a-Mourner, in Braintree, Essex, admits the idea may be unfamiliar to the British, although the phenomenon is popular in places such as Asia.

The mourners-for-hire are briefed on the life of the deceased and would be able to talk to friends and relatives as if they really had known their loved one.”

Even in death, you can one-up your neighbor. “Oh you had thirty people at your funeral? That’s nice, I had 300.”

When you get to the Pearly Gates, surely you’ll be the coolest guy there. In the Middle East, hiring women to cry at funerals is common practice, and the concept appears to be making its way to European countries. I really have no doubt that it will spread to the United States.

So you’ve done it all. You have the biggest house, the coolest car, the sharpest clothes, the hottest mistresses, but if you want to guarantee that you won’t be embarrassed at your own funeral, well, there is a Rich Guy Toy for that, and it’s called professional actors willing to cry and act like you were the greatest guy that ever lived.

Who knows? Maybe one day washed out movie stars will find a little niche of their own in this niche biz.

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