Hamptons Police Blotter: $10,000 Purse Snatched, McGumbus Loses It At Zumba Class

Safe’s were broken into, McGumbus goes to Zumba and police are on the hunt for a $10,000 handbag containing lipstick. Only in the Hamptons.

Big Safe

A locked safe containing more than $20,000 in an East Hampton home was reported stolen last week. The homeowner said that it didn’t appear there had been forced entry into his house. Police have launched a full investigation.

Shelter Island

Shelter Island Zumba fitness guru Frankie Franquistador reported to police last week that he believes Old Man McGumbus, 104 years old and former World War II flamethrower operator, is deliberately trying to disrupt his Zumba classes on the island. “He keeps showing up to my Zumba classes, and then halfway through the class he passes out and, um, relieves himself. I know for sure he is doing it on purpose, and I have a big problemo with it.” When McGumbus was questioned by police about the continuous, um, relief, he responded by saying, “Look, I pay the damn man his money. I can’t help it if halfway through I can’t control my laughter, and when I laugh, I wet my pants. It’s why I never laugh.” Police are advising the two to work it out between themselves. “I think he’s doing it because he secretly hates my Zumba,” said Franquistador. “That’s a big fat lie! I love Zumba, I just hate you personally,” said McGumbus.

Stolen Mower

A man in East Hampton reported that his Toro push-mower, valued at $400, was stolen from where he had it stored in his garage, and he claims he can no longer mow lawns until it is recovered. At least that’s what he’s telling his wife.

Lipstick? 

A handbag containing only lipstick was reported stolen in Southampton, but the contents don’t appear to matter as much as the bag itself—which is worth $10,000, according to the woman who reported the incident.

Know Thy Customer

A drug dealer in East Hampton was arrested last week after he approached a man who was drinking coffee and casually offered to sell him marijuana. The man happened to be the Chief of Police for East Hampton Town.

House Break-ins

Thieves have been stealing jewelry and cash during a string of home break-ins in East Hampton over the last few weeks. Police believe that the criminals are familiar with the homes that they are targeting, since it appears that they know exactly where to look for the expensive items.

Read more Hamptons Police Blotter and get your exclusive Old Man McGumbus updates at
DansPapers.com.