Hamptons Rich Guy Toy #2: $17 Toilet Paper Roll

Thanks to a translation by blogger “Mel” of Mel’s Adventures in Japan, we’ve found the latest Hamptons Rich Guy Toy—with an appropriately designated earlier number—Hanebisho toilet paper.

At 5,000 yen, or $51.45 US, for three rolls, this beautifully adorned TP will cost you $17.15 per roll, and it’s available by subscription. For thrifty Hamptonites, the price drops if you order eight rolls every one to three months, but Mel tells us you can’t cancel until after the fourth delivery, bringing the total to 36,000 yen, or $370.40 US, for 32 rolls of toilet paper. But it’s worth it, right?

The Hanebisho website, according to Mel, says this TP was presented to the Japanese Emperor for five years, it “feels as if your skin is being gently swathed in silk,” and was “Created by the most fastidious of fastidious artisans.” Hanebisho represents the “ultimate softness and Japanese modern design,” and each roll is carefully selected for production. It is also carefully designed to look stylish no matter where the paper is torn, each roll is carefully wrapped in Tosa washi (Japanese paper from Kochi Prefecture), each box is handmade by Kyoto washi artisans and the box interior is done in silver leaf.

If that wasn’t enough, the limited production of 150 rolls per day has been checked against company president Mochizuki Seishi’s skin every day over the last decade, and the maker of each roll writes their name and the date on the roll to ensure quality and, uh, provenance?

Further, the production method is adjusted for temperature and humidity daily, so no two days’ production methods are the same, which makes the dates even more helpful as fans find their preferred vintage (we’ll call it the “Teep Number” or “Torn On Date”). But wait, there’s more…

The Hanebisho site says Mochizuki Seishi toilet paper is made the same way as pancakes. “Do you know how to make delicious pancakes?  If the heat is too high the bottom will burn and the middle will be dry. Deliciously fluffy pancakes are cooked slowly at the perfect temperature. In the same way, Mochizuki Seishi toilet paper is dried more slowly than usual methods. Careful attention is paid to the temperature. Time is no object in the pursuit of perfect softness.”

They use  water from the clearest stream in Japan, the Niyodo River, which ranked 1st in the 2010 (Japanese) National River Water Quality Ranking, and 100 percent of their pulp is imported from Canadian forests. Because we all know, “The most important ingredient in making toilet paper is pulp.”

Mel also notes that this toilet paper is so beautiful, one customer reports that his father used it to decorate the living room. Imagine the wonders this stuff could do for your Norman Jaffe-designed home in Sagaponack!