The Hamptons Subway Newsletter: November 1–7, 2013

Louis CK
Louis CK rode the Hamptons Subway this week, Photo: David Shankbone

Was that Louis C.K. seen by our spy on the Hamptons Subway between Quogue and Quiogue? What international leaders used our special car for diplomatic meetings? Read on…

Week of November 1–7, 2013
Riders this past week: 8,412
Rider miles this past week: 81,412

Louis C.K. was seen by our spy on the subway between Quogue and Quiogue last Wednesday. There was a lot of laughter on the car, which suddenly stopped when our snoop stepped in through the sliding doors. Also seen on the subway this week was Billy Joel, heading from Bridgehampton to Sag Harbor. He was carrying a Harley-Davidson motorcycle seat for some reason. Also Rachael Ray, wearing a kitchen apron, heading from Water Mill to Southampton.

For all of next week, we are having a special for straphangers who are traveling from Westhampton Beach to Hampton Bays. At the token booth, just tell the attendant there you want the special blue swipe card, which is good for one passage between those two towns only. Instead of the regular $2.25 a ride with the regular swipe card, this one costs just 99 cents! But it will only take you between those two stops. Also, it must be purchased at the token booth in either Westhampton Beach or Hampton Bays. This promotion expires on November 7, after which the blue swipe cards become no good.

The Internationale, the special railroad car we have decked out as a conference room for international diplomacy, has another customer, its second! We couldn’t tell you who it was in that car as it went around our system at 10 miles an hour in the wee hours of the morning, but now, with them gone, we can tell you.

We hosted diplomats from Spain, France and the little tiny country of Andorra, which is up in the Pyrenees Mountains between Spain and France. There was some border dispute between the three countries, and several ambassadors were here to work it out, which, apparently, they did! A lot of different foreign languages were spoken in that car that night, and it had our translators hopping. Is Andorra also a language?

This was a whole different outcome from what happened with our first customer two weeks ago, three days before “default,” when a group of Republicans and Democrats who had rented The Internationale to celebrate an apparent agreement not to shut down the government and default on the loans they had worked out. In the end, the group began shouting at one another and throwing things, before they left in a huff with nothing signed. (They ended the crisis three days later.) We’re told President Obama was at that first meeting in disguise—wearing a moustache and having a shaved head. Anyway, it was some mess to clean up before the arrival of the more formal Europeans for their meetings. Very polite, they were, though we couldn’t understand anything they said. Any diplomats you know who need a place, have them contact us. Discreet. Private. Secure. All mahogany and leather. Champagne. Servants. Massage. Skype. Staff.

Bob Neckhouser, the motorman who was fired last week for bumping his train into the back of the one in front of him, was back Tuesday to blow out the candles on his birthday cake in the cafeteria. It had been scheduled. It was decided to let it go ahead.

Mr. de Blasio is likely going to become Mayor of New York next week. He’s an old friend. Formerly the MTA subway commissioner, we’ve played a lot of poker together and had many chats. I expect he will be leaning on me for advice when he becomes mayor. Way to go, Bill!

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