10 Hamptons Projects That Need Funding Before 2015

Researches learn whether local debutantes are getting the respect they deserve
Researches learn whether or not local debutantes are getting the respect they deserve, Photo: David Lentz, EHStock, Voyagerix/iStock/Thinkstock

It is time to dig into those deep Hamptons pockets and help to fund some important projects before the end of this year. Opinions may differ, here are the projects I feel are the most important and vital to the East End. I doubt many will disagree.

1. Representation at this year’s Super Bowl in Glendale Arizona. We need to send a contingent in order to keep the East End relevant. This type of exposure is what keeps real estate values high and envy even higher.

2. In-depth analysis of the economic impact of recent Kardashian residency in Hamptons.

3. Study of deer and whether they are depressed from all the negative publicity and being made to believe they are always on death row.

4. Research into determining if area debutantes are not really being treated with the respect they deserve, or if they are just whiners.

5. Counseling aimed at bringing harmony to the turf wars that currently exist between businesses on opposite sides of the street in Sag Harbor

6. A team of scientists determined to learn what year the last potato will be grown on the East End

7. Forensic experts hired to solve the 68 open homicide cases of area baby swans, some dating back more than a decade.

8. Funding for the Island’s First Annual Hampton Jitney Grand Prix

9. Additional funding for the turbo- charging of eight Jitneys, enabling them to reach speeds in excess of 120 miles per hour, making the Grand Prix more dangerous and enjoyable.

10. Donations to be exclusively used for the commissioning of a life-sized statue of Mr. Sneiv to be put on permanent display in Southampton.

On the more serious side…If you are among the lucky folks who have amassed considerable wealth, why not take an end of the year tax deduction and give to one of our amazing East End charities. They need your support!


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