Ask Beatty: Are You Ready to Find Love?

The current “loneliness epidemic” has been declared a public health crisis by the U.S. Surgeon General and the World Health Organization (WHO). Numerous studies have documented that chronic loneliness increases the risk of heart disease by 29%, stroke by 32% and dementia by 50% in older adults. Recent studies somewhat surprisingly, found that the highest rates of loneliness are for individuals ages 18-24. These rates are as high as 67%-79%. Many young (and older adults) use technology as a powerful tool for connection. However, it works best to alleviate loneliness when it is used to supplement and enhance, rather than replace real-world social in person interaction.

The importance of moving out of your ‘comfort zone’

Fifty percent of my patients are single, never- married, divorced and widowed. Despite their issues, (which they are committed to resolving- as best as they can), the majority are still hoping to find love. People traditionally met possible partners at churches, synagogues, social clubs, gyms and sporting events events. Although we need to be careful who we let into our lives, it’s possible to meet someone on the street corner, in a park, in a grocery line, on a tennis court or in a restaurant and begin to establish a possible relationshp from those ki;nds of meetings. During a recent workout I was having at a Florida gym, I noticed that every single person was wearing headphones. There was no opportunity to say hello, let alone initiate any conversation. The message that these people were consciously or unconsciously communicating to the world was STAY AWAY FROM ME! This is exactly- at least in part-why people of all ages are experiencing more and more loneliness. You need to ask yourself is ‘stay away from me’ really the message that you want to project to the world? If not- now is the time to take a break from your various devices, take a walk, smile, say hello, get dressed and begin attending in person events in your city or town.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a match

Remember the matchmaker of long ago? That bygone prophet of romantic coupling instinctively knew what information she needed. The first thing her professional nose sniffed out was the kind of family her prospects came from. She found out everythng she could about both families. When Mama and Papa asked the question, “will he be good for my daughter”?, her informed answer was based on actual observation and knowledge of both families. The best matchmakers were smart detectives who could decipher the family puzzle and see how well the pieces fit together-or not.

As society evolved, most matchmakers disappeared- although they are now beginning to make a new resurgence. Many professional matchmakers typically cost between $5,000-$50,00 and more for a 3-12 month contract. Nationwide/international seearches, dedicated to and high-level ‘white-glove’ concierge services can cost between $50,000-$150,000. The ultra-exclusive global searches and highly tailored matchmaking for high-net-worth individuals can cost beetween $150,000-$500,000 and up. However, most men and women choose to be their own best matchmakers and are therefore, on their own to try to make the most important decision of their lives. So choose carefully and wisely. If you have doubt about the process or the person, contact me or read my book, For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love. In the meantime, have fun!

If you’re still in the online dating mood, here are some interesting findings:

Key findings about online dating in the United States

One in ten partnered adults-meaning those who are married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationaship met their curent significant other through a dating site or app.Online dating is more common among younger adults than among older people. About half of those under 30 (53%) report having ever used a dating site compared with 37% of those ages 30-49, 20% of those 50 to 64 and 13% of those 65 and older.Among those who have ever used a dating site or app, slightly more say their personal experiences have been very or somewhat positive than say they have been very or somewhat negative (53% vs 46%).

As my late father would say, “every day is a new day with new possibilities.” If finding love is a priority in your life, re-read this article and commit to doing something new and different every day that will increase the probability of your finding the love of your life.

Beatty Cohan, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., A.A.S.E.C.T. is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY SHOW on the Progressive Radio Network. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send her your comments and questions to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more information go to BeattyCohan.com