Sheltered Islander

Sheltered Islander: AcroSpeak for Texting Dummies

Recently my daughter sent me a text message so full of internet acronyms I couldn’t understand any of her message. So I just used the phone as a phone (mine has that option) and called her. She said, “Mom, don’t call me on the phone, I might be busy, text me.”

“You want me to text you that I want to call you because I can’t make out your texts?”

“Yes, in case I’m busy and can’t talk.”

“Yes, but if I call, can’t you just tell me you’re too busy to talk? Isn’t it the same thing, except my method doesn’t involve me trying to type on tiny keys and struggling to discern your response?”

She hung up and sent me this text and I had to call her back and get the translation anyway. “IMHO, u nd 2 get UTD on nu tech. Stop havng a SM abt all this and lrn how 2 txt, TSTB”. Translation: “In my humble opinion, you need to get up to date on new technology. Stop having a senior moment about all this and learn how to text, the sooner the better.”

Senior moment? I got your senior moment right here, sweetie. I am a master on a Mac, but smart phones confound me. But I have been learning Facebook. Why embarrass your child in front of a few of her friends when you can embarrass her in front of all of them? I went to her Facebook page and wrote:

“Senior moment? Pardon me. Who let you cheat at Candyland? Who taught you to use a Mac at age three and sat with you through hours of Katie’s Farm and Reader Rabbit? Who taught you how to send your first email? Me! That’s who! When you spilled milk on the keyboard, did I strangle you with the mouse cord? No! And when you put pennies in the floppy drive, did I not lock myself in the closet so I wouldn’t kill you? Oh, but you forgot all that… Well, in my humble opinion, your humble opinion ain’t humble enough. Please don’t make me think IRAM. IRAM? I Raised A Moron.”

I expressed my frustration with “acrospeak” (please note I am officially creating and coining this word for everyone to use ) to a friend and we agreed that if we have to use acrospeak to be current with the times then we will create our own texting shorthand called AIS, AcroIslandSpeak. We went to netlingo.com, which lists all known internet acronyms, and redefined a few….

WDSS – What did she say?

WDHE – What did he ?

WHH – We have history

BFF – Best friend fell

IMHO – Is mother hung over?

DK – Dial Kelt

BTW – Bring the wheelchair

CBM – Covered by Medicare

ATD – At the doctor’s

TTYL – Talk to you louder

DWI – Dialing while intoxicated

FWIW – Forgot where I was

BKGH – Before kids get home

KHHM – Kids here, hide money

WWI – Where was I?

IFL – In ferry line

OFT – Outta ferry tickets

OFFI – Off Island

ONI – On Island

APWN – At pharmacy, Whaddaya need?

HAD – Hit a deer

VFD – Venison for dinner

DAD – Drinks at Dory

DACQ – Drinks at Chequit

TLIMR – Too late, I’m in my recliner

HIAK – Half the Island already knows

TWIK – The whole Island knows

And of course, there’s the Shelter Island circuit:

ADPN – At doctor’s, pharmacy next

APDN – At pharmacy, dumps next

ADPON – At dumps, Post Office next

APOIGAN – At Post Office, IGA next

Last but not least…

CORD – Chilling out reading Dan’s.

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