The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: May 22–28, 2015

Week of May 22–28, 2015
Riders this past week: 23,812
Rider miles this past week: 181,422

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Seen on the subway last Thursday heading from Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton were Mort Zuckerman of East Hampton, John Catsimatidis of East Quogue and Jimmy Finkelstein of Southampton, all reading a copy of the New York Daily News together. Seen on the subway traveling from Westhampton to Quiogue on Saturday morning was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. He has some nerve riding our subway after turning down the Hudson Tubes expansion. He’s looking for a subway line for Newark?

BREECHES BUOY
The Hampton Bays platform will be painted next Wednesday and the station will be closed all day to let it dry.

For those who MUST use the subway there, we have rigged up a “breeches buoy,” which is a clothesline extending from the token booth roof to high on the far track wall. A pulley affair has been set up, with a paramedic rescue chair hanging from it. Just get in the chair and you will be hauled out hand over hand over the paint, no charge to you, so when you get to the train there, you just hop off and in.

This is only for people getting ON the train in Hampton Bays, not OFF. No one will be allowed off while the paint is drying so if you’re inside, don’t get excited and bang on the doors. You’ve been told.

PUSHER CHIEF WANTED
This weekend, we begin the summer-long program where strong young people wearing helmets, chest protectors and boxing gloves push the crowds from the platforms onto the trains at all the stations. But our Chief Pusher from last year is unavailable (serving 90 days for fighting in front of O’Leary’s Bar in East Quogue). The Chief Pusher coordinates the actions of the 22 regular pushers at our 11 stations by phone from our headquarters in Hampton Bays. It’s a tough job. But it pays well. Call our office to find out more and to state your qualifications.

SLEEPING MOTORMEN
How do Hampton Subway trains stay within the speed limits? As you probably know, Hampton Subway has flagmen on the tracks who wave red flags for stop and green flags for go at all the oncoming trains. As a secondary job, if they look through a train window and see a motorman looking sleepy, they wave both flags in a crisscross patterns over their heads and scowl and it gets them to once again pay close attention to what they are doing. Meanwhile, we are now putting into place a computer system, which, by July, will be able to automatically slow down a subway if it becomes a runaway. So all is well.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Next Tuesday is Ivan Kratz’s birthday. Born in 1899, Mr. Kratz was the forward-looking wealthy construction contractor who in 1932 stole massive amounts of building materials while building the Lexington Avenue line for the City of New York. Aware the Feds were on to him, he had trucks cart all this material out east to the Hamptons where he announced the founding of Hampton Subway and then dug down and buried that material underground as a subway system. Hampton Subway never opened on his watch, however, as he was arrested anyway and jailed for the rest of his life for that theft and also other things such as stealing from the poor, murder and accumulating massive amounts of New York City parking tickets. Hampton Subway, discovered accidentally during a superfund site dig in Sag Harbor, opened in 1998. Anyway, Happy Birthday Ivan Kratz, wherever you are.

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