Dan Rattiner's Stories

Who’s Having the Loudest Sex in NYC?

On June 8, which is next Monday, a judge in Islip will decide if the new laws passed for the East Hampton Airport will be allowed to go into effect. The new laws result in less noise coming from the airport by limiting the times when airplanes can take off and land to between 9 a.m. and 7 p.m. They also restrict particularly loud airplanes from landing more than once a week and between 11 p.m and 11 a.m.

Proponents of flying have asked a judge to issue a temporary restraining order to prevent these laws from taking effect. So the judge issues a restraining order, or not.

In New York City, the local citizenry have long ago given up on the noises coming from LaGuardia and Kennedy Airport. It’s just something you have to put up with. Sex, however, is a different matter.

Several weeks ago, The New York Post made public the name and address of the couple in the city that made the most noise having sex during 2014. They got this information by combing through the 311 emergency call dispatch files.

Over the course of the year, 113 residents in the city called the emergency number to make these complaints, pinpointing the street address and apartment number where they wanted the authorities to go. Forty-two of the complaints came from Brooklyn residents, 37 came from Queens, 31 from the Bronx and 23 from Manhattan. In Staten Island, they were quiet as mice. No complaints at all.

The single location that had the neighbors most up in arms—six calls in all—on separate occasions between October and December, came from Apartment D7 at 7201 Ridge Avenue in Bay Ridge. A Post reporter went to that address and knocked on the door. A woman with bleached blond hair answered the door. She said, “It’s my apartment. I’m not hurting anyone.” She also said she was pregnant and needed her rest and slammed the door when she heard what this was all about.

The Post was able to secure a photo of the woman, and also of her alleged boyfriend. And they were in the Post accompanying the article. (This is such a typical NY Post article.)

But maybe this wasn’t her. Anyway, the neighbors had lots to say.

“She keeps screaming to continue, to not stop. Saturdays, it’s louder. Almost 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes more than an hour,” the Post reported.

I wonder if the rules about to be enforced in East Hampton could be enforced in Bay Ridge.

No sex between 11 p.m. and 9 a.m. People with loud sex (over 93 decibels) can’t do it between 9 p.m. and 7 a.m., and then only one round trip per week.

Loud sex problems in NYC
Photo: gorancakmazovic, Knud Nielsen, Lenar Musin, Dmitriy Tereschenko/iStock, Hemera/Thinkstock
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